swoosh

well february is as expected, short. and yet, it's the month i wanted to kick away fast.

a lot of friendly visits and gatherings happened this month which is most wonderful. and of course, the little Noah's 9th birthday is the highlight of all. 

the baking promise is gearing up. i found the guts to create that awesome yogurt muffin cum cuppies haha! and the boys bullied them by saying, "wow scones!" hmmmppp!!!

march. please be kinder. 

SAF 44

even after staying abroad for more than 10years, i still love my home country and would like to go back soon if fate permits. but maybe just for a vacation to be with family and friends, and also to explore the beautiful islands that we haven't been to. 

in the context of going back to settle for good, i don't think so. the battle of citizens with paying taxes, gruesome traffic, unrelenting government officials and rampant crimes are enough factors to stay away. 

with the recent events that took place in Mindanao, the 'mis-encounter' incident between the 44 SAF members and the MILF, the country again was shaken. how can the officials involved in the operation not plan the whole thing properly without sacrificing those lives? no proper coordination, that is their excuse. and why was it that the suspended official was the one who manipulated the operation? why did the president allow this puppetry?

i have seen the hearing sessions of the senators and the people in question who were involved. it is very frustrating how these representatives conduct the sessions... everything was in chaos! it took almost 30minutes at the beginning just to introduce the parties, to agree on the conduct of participants, and to decide on the next session of the hearing (even though they have not yet progressed). and most of the participants, would say irrelevant statements or senseless thoughts, just to be heard and known. oh well, election time is near. 

one of the most powerful statement that affected me the most was from Philippine National Police OIC Deputy Director General Leonardo Espina. he was emotional during his speech delivery seeking justice for the 44 Special Action Force troopers' lives that was claimed in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. 

justice for the fallen SAF 44... no to Bangsamoro Basic Law!!!

 

word

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

tethered

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.

C. JoyBell C.

hashtag cookeries

my son once asked, why do weekends go by so fast? and i, myself, ask the same question sometimes. today i gave him a sound answer: when you enjoy your time so much with the people that you love, time is inconsequential and somehow non-existent. you won't realize how much time has passed because all that matters is the bliss of life at that moment. and when you become conscious of your schedule, then time makes itself known.

now as promised, i have been back to my kitchen and have been familiarizing my different senses. yes, i find food sensual in all aspects. don't get me wrong, but food tasting is sexy *wink*. 

here is the round up... i had cravings for leche flan after a flan for dessert during our team christmas party at amigos. the first attempt needed some adjustments with the sugar and milk content. so we are happy with the 2nd product. 

next on the list was an experiment using bamboo shoots. i partnered it with prawn, a bit of capsicum, ginger, chili and coconut milk. it was vibrant. 

the lasagna is the serving climax of this january episode. this is my first attempt to try raw ingredients from here, and they did not disappoint. i like the sauce sliding from the pasta, rather than it being dry. 

to wrap up, i attempted another experiment... with salmon. yes, a very brave decision indeed. but surprisingly, the output was sensational. 

so there... hoping to be more daring next month and get out of my comfort zone. 

baking it is! =)

balancing act

a lot has been said about fairness and justice. ultimately, who or what decides our fate and grants our existence justice? what is the measure of fairness amongst men?

it seems that in our society, the most powerful, the most knowledgeable, the most influential, has the first dip into the scale. in the case of rich versus poor, the former has all the means available for him to twist and turn the rules to be in his favor. another classic example: the tyranny of landlords against the small folks in suburban areas. the society allows it because the simpletons are not educated about their rights. they only wanted to continue living peacefully.. as long as they have a home and their livelihood, then its enough. they do not have the luxury and time to stop and fight. 

men against women. husband and wives. one will always dominate in superiority and opinion just because of gender and cultural values. how do you justify an act that is unreasonable, and yet it is believed to be favorable for all? when is it the right time to insist equality? 

in the end, we just leave it to Karma. 

fiction. maybe.

it was not intentional.. says the budding conscience. who could blame them. that smile.. that notion of feeling. it is that sense of belonging, of being wanted, of being flattered, of being important, of being seen. it is the sense of being. 

he was at the peak of his youth.. she just stepped into the society. his story was a mystery she wanted to unfold. her smile was an unending twitch to his senses.. a torment he's willing to endure in this lifetime. his eyes mesmerizes her to be subdued, to totally surrender and just say yes to his invitations. her soothing and calming voice makes it impossible for him to resist. he is completely hypnotized and caught in her charms and wit. 

unfortunately, some people are meant to fall in love, and yet, they are not meant to be together. the push-and-pull urge.. to move forward, or to reel back to reality. he is, in fact, very much occupied with a new enthusiast. she is hindered by her own limitations. she is, by society's standards, a fine woman of substance belonging to this world. amidst it all, they very much adore each other. 

there is no escaping. it is what it is.

and that must be the end of it.

maybe. 

first entry on 2015

the title is a dead giveaway.

2014 flew by in a flash. admittedly, i had time, but i was speechless. guilty as charged, i was threading in unfamiliar surroundings that offered few worthy memos. and so this year, instead of planning (as with my reliance to physical planners), i have decided to trust Evernote for my everyday mementos. yes, a journal indeed. and i have started using the Calendar app in my fone.

and to add flavor, i made a pact to myself.. to make each day count. (i don't want to pressure myself into resolutions.) if not each day, at least each month. i have encouraged myself not only to write, but also to go back to my love of cooking and baking. each month is an adventure to explore taste buds, and tinker with the oven. for this month, nothing new but more of familiarizing thyself with my specialties.

new colleagues also encouraged me to my habit of reading. i have three new books to add to my stack. therefore, i am attempting to read at least six-ten books this year using Goodreads to track my progress. first on my list is Catch-22.. maybe a review could follow afterwards. 

so ifone, don't fail, don't get stolen, don't get lost, don't swim towards the toilet.

january. lets begin.

kids say the amusing things

a positive note today that would attest to our kids' maturities... they talk sense nowadays and its scaring the sh*t out of me! lol

noah had two clever incidents today... during breakfast, he asked a question about my opinion on a subject matter involving his dad. he said, "don't just answer Yes or No. tell me how many percent are you leaning towards it." so he's not happy with 50/50 chances anymore. it should be expressed in percentage! lol

at dinner, due to a 'pinakbet' dish issue involving ampalaya (bittergourd), he wished Santa Claus can make the taste better! we explained the health benefits... somehow he got convinced, but then he's still trying to bargain hahaha!

the other day when i came home from work, he asked for $10. i asked why, he said he gave malcolm $10 for some school activity fee. i asked, "where did you get your $10?". he answered, "i stole it from the grocery change", and then he smiled. i couldn't help myself from laughing so hard! at least he was honest! lol

last week, malcolm learned that his crush, mia, does not like him. ganun pala yun... the feeling of a mum on his son's first heart break. i really felt so sad for him and disappointed at mia (hehe i know, not my place). but then again, seeing your child losing his inspiration leaves a pinch in your chest. of course, you always wanted your children to be happy. 

a heartfelt gesture.. seeing them share a pair of slippers... i love my boys!

an open letter

my ever dearest beloved friends,

how can i begin to write a letter about the end? i am not really good at saying good byes... i usually freeze or do not speak of it at all. maybe it's my way of escaping the reality... of us parting ways. in denial... but right now, i have to send this out before time runs out and the moment pass by.

as i read your sweet short messages today, i am left with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. suddenly, all memories came flooding in... of laughter, jokes, grievances, awkward moments, crying fits, shared secrets, mummy advices, barbeque parties, children's parties, bridal showers, baby showers, mourning and weeping, money matters, drinking sessions and of course, chismax sessions!

in each of you, i have shared and relish different experiences and stories. they are all etched and kept in my heart and memories. my husband often tease me of my being 'historical'... i don't really mind, but he does :D who would have thought that in all these years, we still kept the friendship alive and the camaraderie flaming. you have been there in all my struggles and failures, success and survival... i am very blessed indeed to have you all in our lives.

i would like to thank you all for the journey here in Singapore and the Philippines. our children are who they are because each and everyone of you contributed to the holistic abilities of what they are right now. you have been our guide and our inspiration, so we are grateful in your participation towards our children's progress.

as cliche as this may sound, this is not really good bye... but a 'see you later!'. we are only 7.5-8hours flight away from you. thank Jobs & Gates for the phenomenal technology updates! we can keep in touch from timezones away, no excuses! =)

'til then...

special

i may sound a braggart, but hear me out... i just want to remember my project manager's parting words to me in our last team dinner. i want to immortalize that moment on my blog. 

"this girl is Special. i know at the very beginning, she's not knowledgeable with the system. but she would always bring it and complete her deliverables. she is very resourceful and has the charisma to achieve her goals."

thank you so much Sir Arun. you have forever changed my life by giving me that chance to prove myself to you and the team. 

hyped

today is a good day... except for the frustrating and irritating cough and throat allergy that wouldn't go away. but nevertheless, i still consider this a good day.

we were able to sell out most of the bulky items we have. both the bunk bed and toyogo cabinet were picked up today by fathers with their sons. the dumbells were picked up by vette and rye later in the afternoon capped off with a quick chit chat. the vodka was immediately sold to our housemate and the other one, to my sister.

and of course, my sister was here to spend the day with the kids. i prepared a dreadful looking ref cake! sigh... i still couldn't get the right consistency mix for the grahams. i need to perfect this! haha! we ended the night after two game sets of puerto rico.

the best highlight of the day was during lunch... when my boys thanked me for serving them veggies on their plates. =)

nostalgia

the first movie of 2014 for us is 47 ronins. of course i miss watching keanu reeves on the screen. my first book read is 'and the mountains echoed' by khaled hosseini.. 'twas recommended by a good friend.

today i had an appointment in suntec city. suddenly i found myself remembering the first time i set foot in this place. it was my first trip to singapore to spend christmas with dadi last 2004. upon arrival at home and leaving my luggages behind, we went out to buy gifts for that night. there was going to be a christmas house party with friends. it was the first time i met tita les, tita abby, mader cecel and pader lew and the rest of the gang.

i'm sure that in the next few days of our stay here in singapore, i would be looking back at our first's for the usual places we go to.

calm after the storm

you would think i'm craving for words... to write and scribble and shout at the big blog space that's been empty for a long time... Well, You're Definitely RIGHT! 

i'm all out screaming inside my head just to breathe and let out all thoughts and emotions bundled up in my heart and mind. yes, i really did breathe out a deep sigh of releif. i can finally let it all out! after a year of ups and downs, the roller coaster ride of my career and our life plan... now we begin with another chapter in our lives! a real tear-jerker of a move that we hope could bring us to our final destination called Home.

from the past week, dadi and i have gathered our strengths and let our mananger in to the secret. yes, we are leaving SG for good. and, i have formally filed for my resignation. it brought me into meditation and much thought...  literally, i had been caught in a daze, lost in my own thoughts, wondering what could happen next.

i hope i could document here our baby steps to our exodus. right now, we have accomplished sending back most of our things back to PH. we have contacted IOM for our migration details. we have exchanged information from friends across the land. we have touched based with the possible school for the boys. our fundings is still an ongoing thing but we believe that He always provides.

=)

baffled and amazed

i don't wanna miss a thing... so i'm blogging them away right now before i get amnesia or Alzheimer's :D

nixon has started asking about the opposite sex. i'm glad that he's honest and open about liking a girl in his class. and he's very independent with his homeworks and projects. he likes to do experiments at home. our usual conversations during mealtime is about his fascination on living things and electric circuits. he tries different things that he feels he might be good at. currently, he's into basketball and is playing for the school varsity. he was also recruited to join the school choir and he's learning to play the recorder. he searched the song pieces in youtube and practices. check out his youtube video: http://youtu.be/PGmFdpiwa_0

noah on the otherhand has a lot of questions and stories to tell. he usually speaks and converses like an adult. we went to a pet shop the other day, and he immediately chose 'his pet' and stayed with the dog most of the time.

noah: mummy, why is he color red? is he jealous? *pointing to hulk*

on our dinner the other night, we were caught by surprise on the kind of conversation they wanted to delve in: so how did you two actually meet? did you work together before? did mummy like you first *pointing to dadi*? or did you like mummy first? 

yet another overheard conversation:

a while ago, i couldn't help but to take a video of them together... a priceless moment when the younger one helped the big one to finish his homework so they can play: http://youtu.be/sHKGCsqPEgc =)

20130914, evening:

noah: so mummy, i hate to tell you this but i think i'm not yet sleepy

trying to buy yourself out of sleeping early are you? hahahaha

like every ordinary day

today's activities and accomplishments:

1. had my craving for hotdog bun with pickles, catsup, cheese and mustard fulfilled *of course with a cuppa*

2. played basketball with the boys this morning

3. and in turn fulfilled my neuro's recommendation of getting some exercise

4. booked our bintan trip this june *yay!* pending ferry tickets

5. finished one chapter of outliers by malcolm gladwell and read my cosmo mag nov2012 issue

6. finally de-cluttered old clothes, shoes, bags & stuff to send back to PH and some to pack for future luggages

7. watched hotel transylvania with the boys

8. watched warm bodies with dadi *wondering why the girl kinda looks like bella* but sweet & light movie to cap off the night

:)

on teaching

There is no teaching until the pupil is brought into the same state or principle in which you are; a transfusion takes place; he is you, and you are he; then is a teaching; and by no unfriendly chance or bad company can he ever lose the benefit.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), U.S. essayist, poet, philosopher. “Spiritual Laws,” Essays, First Series (1841, repr. 1845).

what's the use of teaching someone who is already learned?

untitled

it creeps me out that for the past 3 days, i've been waking up at exactly 8:06am.. that is according to my iphone. for pete's sake, it was a weekend and i couldn't even make it to 9am!

what's more creepy was my bathroom incident this morning. everybody has gone to school and office except me and my nanny. i hurried inside the toilet and did my business. upon opening the door, it was kinda stuck so i pulled a bit harder. lo. and behold, it was tied from the outside!!! i felt my whole body frozen and scared as sh*t!

you see, we always tie it outside coz of the wind. it usually opens up when nobody's inside. so there's no way i could've done it from the inside. i hurriedly went to the kitchen and ask our nanny if she came in and she said no.

ok fine. it's the first time that the house made itself felt.

the picture below shows how it was tied from the outside so that it wouldn't open when unoccupied.

when they start pulling away

they start giving mixed signals. one moment, they'd want you to sit and eat with them during meal times. or they'd ask you to read them bed time stories and put them to sleep. the next thing you know, they are pulling away...

they would tell you, "mum, its ok, i can do it myself". they could button their own shirt, tie their own shoelaces, make their own milk, brush their teeth, bathe themselves, choose what they want to wear.

when you tell them, "i love you my little baby!", you will get an answer, "i'm not so little and not a baby anymore.".

and they would start distancing themselves when you walk around the mall. they could mingle and make friends on their own during parties and gatherings. i have mixed feelings... i am proud that they are confident and independent. but somehow sad and scared that they can be on their own and that sooner, i wouldn't really matter much.

i'm taking all the best i can right now: all the hugs, kisses, holding hands, embraces, home works together. hopeful that it wouldn't end too soon.

way of lent: free yourself

it was the worst turning point in my life... and you left me.

i forgive you.