SAF 44

even after staying abroad for more than 10years, i still love my home country and would like to go back soon if fate permits. but maybe just for a vacation to be with family and friends, and also to explore the beautiful islands that we haven't been to. 

in the context of going back to settle for good, i don't think so. the battle of citizens with paying taxes, gruesome traffic, unrelenting government officials and rampant crimes are enough factors to stay away. 

with the recent events that took place in Mindanao, the 'mis-encounter' incident between the 44 SAF members and the MILF, the country again was shaken. how can the officials involved in the operation not plan the whole thing properly without sacrificing those lives? no proper coordination, that is their excuse. and why was it that the suspended official was the one who manipulated the operation? why did the president allow this puppetry?

i have seen the hearing sessions of the senators and the people in question who were involved. it is very frustrating how these representatives conduct the sessions... everything was in chaos! it took almost 30minutes at the beginning just to introduce the parties, to agree on the conduct of participants, and to decide on the next session of the hearing (even though they have not yet progressed). and most of the participants, would say irrelevant statements or senseless thoughts, just to be heard and known. oh well, election time is near. 

one of the most powerful statement that affected me the most was from Philippine National Police OIC Deputy Director General Leonardo Espina. he was emotional during his speech delivery seeking justice for the 44 Special Action Force troopers' lives that was claimed in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. 

justice for the fallen SAF 44... no to Bangsamoro Basic Law!!!

 

balancing act

a lot has been said about fairness and justice. ultimately, who or what decides our fate and grants our existence justice? what is the measure of fairness amongst men?

it seems that in our society, the most powerful, the most knowledgeable, the most influential, has the first dip into the scale. in the case of rich versus poor, the former has all the means available for him to twist and turn the rules to be in his favor. another classic example: the tyranny of landlords against the small folks in suburban areas. the society allows it because the simpletons are not educated about their rights. they only wanted to continue living peacefully.. as long as they have a home and their livelihood, then its enough. they do not have the luxury and time to stop and fight. 

men against women. husband and wives. one will always dominate in superiority and opinion just because of gender and cultural values. how do you justify an act that is unreasonable, and yet it is believed to be favorable for all? when is it the right time to insist equality? 

in the end, we just leave it to Karma. 

why do i love thee

this poem below has been in my subconscious since i read it in one of those hallmark greeting cards while in the national bookstore waiting for that someone.

people often ask their better halves, why do you love me? why do you want to stay with me? can you give me some reasons why you chose to love me? honestly, most people couldn't really put it into words in that instant. so we make this blabbering about his looks, kindness, thoughtfulness yada yada yada...

as we get of age, i realize that the answer to these questions is not really about that person... but it's within you. it's what you have become, what you have achieved, what made you who you are at this moment.

it dawned on me when i answered to him, i love you because i am a better person. i love you because i am not here right now if it wasn't for you and our children. i love you because i am more resilient, reliable and thoughtful to other people. i love you because i learned to value life and love more than ever, and i love you because i respect you. i love you because i became aware of the importance of my existence and my gratitude towards life and God is exceedingly way over beyond what i can imagine it could be. i love you because i'm still gearing up and willing to learn more about life in the next coming years and i believe i wouldn't experience it better with anybody else but you.

=)

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

carpe diem!

*suddenly remembered i missed posting this last christmas*

the receptionist from my ortho told me that my next appointment would be dec. 24 so she said how about we move it 1st week january. it didn't sink in so my immediate response was, "its chinese new year". then later realized my thoughts lingered in january.

holidays again would go without spending it at home with family. it's been 7 christmases.

i decided to take that trip on january.�

moving houses, paying rent and bills will always be there. getting married, having kids, paedia care, school fees, extended family support is part of life.. it will always be there.�

so what am i saying here? i'm saying i will no longer put on hold things that we, i, wanted to do just because of these part of life. yes, i'm seizing the day. we can always earn back the money we spent, but the time loss, the moment of bliss and happiness of being there and doing what we always wanted to do can fade away. the hours, the days, cannot be rewinded. so why wait when we're old and grey and too fragile to take that adventure? why not now?

i'm feeling excited. as clarisse vaughan has said from "the hours", this moment here of happiness is happiness. right now.

my twenty-10

I don’t have the habit of summarizing the year that was, of thoughts and events that happened. But now, I realized it’s a proper way of reflecting on what transpired, and how it could be improved and to inspire oneself to achieve more. When I became thirty-ish, I suddenly felt the need to ‘document’ things to do, and put constraints to myself in order to attain my goals.

I’m very blessed last year to have been surrounded by people who helped me grow and who offered sincere friendships, while some were rekindled. It made me go back to the real me, only to be improved and purified.

I suddenly learned to appreciate the likes of Debussy, Beethoven, Bach, Chopin, Mozart and of course Glee. I’m now reading Persuasion, and hopes to read Pride and Prejudice soon. The turning point was Wuthering Heights. It was challenging at first, but the exquisite meanings and formalities of conversations made me hang on. I finally finished reading Sophie’s World. I got it last 2004, started but never able to catch up. I told myself that this time, I won’t pressure myself into understanding everything, but to only pick up what was essential. And oh, the highlight was meeting Mitch Albom! His book, Have a Little Faith, is gonna be my yearly read.

The art of letting go is still an ongoing process for me, and the never ending questioning of Why’s is still under construction. But friends’ reminders are always handy. Acceptance is gradually penetrating little by little each day, although there would still be times of hurt and expectations. I’ll be working on that this year.

I have a planner, from Starbucks. This is gonna be my first. I got a beautiful one to inspire me to go back to my year list; so far, I have 14. By this time, next year, I hope I would be proud to have completed them all.

unfamiliar grounds

i'm accustomed to taking risks and facing difficulties and fears. i have this strong conviction of myself, that whatever decision i make, i will be responsible for the consequences. during my grade school days, i had a big crush on this high school guy. one day i just decided to tell him that i like him and i admire his volleyball skills. that day, i knew that i'm that kind of person who would not just keep quiet and wait for things to unfold on its own. before i graduated high school, i had the audacity to tell my history teacher that i like him a lot. when i was a freshman in college, i greatly admired my trigonometry professor. i gave him a parker pen.. i had a feeling he knew my reasons. and when i was already working, i was bold enough to tell my then-best-friend-now-husband, that i was in love with him.

gone were the days when i would sit still and shy away from arguments and confrontations... i was always ready to give my opinions, sometimes, even without tact. not until recently, when a very traumatic experience made a head-on collision with my life, our lives. my whole being was itching to confront the devil and let all my grief, anger and pain burst out. but for the first time, i kept my distance and didn't bother to get any answers or to explain myself. i just stopped and burried myself in my cave. i focused all my energy on my kids and to reading. it became my zen.

it was tough, almost all the time i would cry. i felt so alone, but i was very thankful to those who would drop a message or two asking how my day was and how i am coping. my family oftentimes call and text me encouraging words. some came to visit, and i'm thankful to be blessed with friendly souls. it was a surprise to know that those who you don't often see were the first ones to sympathize. again, i'm forever grateful. :)

nothing much, really

one's patience is really tested to its fullest by your growing children and ageing parents. if you muster the art of diplomatic conversation, then i salute you. =)

on another note, i'm glad and happy to say that i'm back on track. side trips were inevitable, you just have to know how to go around the obstacles. i just want to let my detractors know that you will never break me because i keep my faith intact and i'm focused to fight for my kids' happiness, whatever it takes. you haven't seen the real me, i have dealt with you in a subtle manner. if i were such a b*tch, you would've hidden your face in shame. i could've done worse, but my delikadesa and good manners kept me in the distance. i'm a mother and wife, it's my duty and place to protect my family. stop with your nonsense reasoning, you're in the wrong.

i'm now ready to break the silence. i'm no longer afraid to hold back my feelings or thoughts. i have surpassed my darkest hour, and i'm ready.. because i have braved the odds and i will never back down. there's always a blessing in disguise hiding somewhere after the storm. you just have to tough it out. *wink.. prang showbiz hehehe*

2nd monthsary alone

new things i've mustered so far being in a different environment and experiencing 1st's in my life..

1. the earth does get very cold in some parts of this world. i never expected that a vast space would be like a cold freezer with cold mist splashing in your face.

2. staying in a suburban area is cool although it sometimes gets boring when there's only one bus passing by your neighborhood and the nearest civilization (malls) is 40minutes away.

3. autumn leaves are really fascinating and wonderful. before, i didn't really care when i come across them in magazines and the internet. now seeing them in person makes it feel so delightful. the changing of colors are awesome!

4. that in these events, i should take very good care of my camera :( it's been more than 2weeks now since it's been in the repair center. please get well soon so i can still catch the autumn leaves before snow comes in.

5. it takes a lot of patience waiting for the bus to pass by and getting there in the train station 30minutes before the arrival. it takes a lot of warming power to sit or stand in the shed while cold wind is blowing and smoke is definitely coming out of your breath (but i kinda like the smoke thing hehe).

6. you learn to do chores on your own and well, do all of them by yourself. *prang redundant haha*

7. i learned to read the maps and be observant of the road signs and bus stops and shops, banks, church, groceries within the area so that the next time, i know when to hit the stop button in the bus and where to alight in train stations.

8. i learned how to find a way to entertain myself when sadness, loneliness, depression and homesickness kicks in :( *sigh* i really miss my kids and dadi rak. *i already watched grey's anatomy from season1-4*

that ring

this morning, i listened to my fave radio station, power98 with dj harry as host. *he's pinoy btw* he has this trivia contest where he gives out prizes if you guess the answer correctly. his question today was: most women worry about the size of this but according to survey, 80% of men worry more about the size of this. what is this? i know most of you are smiling on the thought of this thing... but no, it's not a part of the body. there was a girl who answered a wedding ring, then dj harry said almost close. next caller was another girl, he repeated the previous answers and the clue...

dj harry : what is this? there was a previous answer, wedding ring which is almost close to the to the right answer...

girl : ok... wait, is it an earing???

dj harry : nope i'm sorry but thats not correct. thanks for calling.

i immediately texted him *he's a good friend of mine btw*...

me : bwahahhaha! grabe, natawa ko sa earing syaks! *bwahahaha! that earing really made me laugh!*

dj harry : hahaha ako nga nalaglag sa upuan haha *hahaha i fell off the chair haha*

that was classic! started my day right! hahahaha!

may26 entry

*my first thoughts when we started our trip to the visayas region...*

i thank god that our flight wasn’t delayed… i thank god for the safe and smooth flight… i thank god for the nice weather as soon as we landed in Bohol… i thank god for the kind and reliable driver… i thank god for all the wonderful creations that we experienced going around Bohol… i thank god for our peaceful resort… i thank god that I was with my sweet and loving husband as i discover His great wonders.

never

i will never heed nor attempt to befriend that person anymore... it proves to say that that person is not worthy and is totally and absolutely superficial. i'm letting go of our so-called friendship. period.

I’ve been trying to avoid the inevitable, trying to delay what is supposed to be. I faced it, alas! It carved a mark in my heart and soul. And now I’m so lost and confused. I’m trying my best to be a better person... to be a loving wife, a doting mother, a responsible daughter, a reliable sister, an objective friend, a hardworking employee, a just member of the society. Does one really have to carry the task and burden of such? I’m asking for more patience, guidance and counsel, of love and understanding, of hope that eventually things will get better. Enough of the leaping out of faith, I’ll retire myself for what is to come. Who knows if I can get back the urge to fight back again and conquer the odds, but for now, I’m just tired. I’ve been hiding and fighting too much, and I’m missing a lot.

kainiz experience sa manila

one of my reasons kaya ako umuwi sa manila ay para mapalitan ang surname ni nixon. iniisip ko na sana payagan nila ko kahit ako lang maglakad ng papers. di naman kasi kabisado ng information kung tinatanong ko over the fone ung mga dapat gawin so might as well go there personally para malaman ko. i called the manila city hall to verify if they're going to get the original copies of the birth certificate and marriage license. oo daw kailangan nila kunin para may sarili din silang copy kaya nung wednesday mismo ng hapon, nagpunta kami sa NSO quezon ave. dati dun lang pupunta kung gusto mo lang magrequest ng copy. aba pagdating namin dun, wala na at kailangan na kami pumunta sa east ave branch. pagdating namin dun, buti na lang walang masyadong tao pero kakaiba talaga pila system sa atin. the following day ng 11am pa marerelease ung mga papers so iniba ko sked ko. sa umaga na lang ako pumunta sa dentist para sa hapon, pagkakuha nung papers, direcho na kami sa manila city hall.

sa manila city hall nagsimula kalbaryo ko. syempre may pila at pagkatapos ko naghintay ng 30minutes, sinabi sa kin ng legal assistant na dapat daw local copy ng birth certificate ung ipapasa, di daw ung authenticated copy. aba nagulat ako dahil ultimately, pinaka legal ang authenticated copy dahil galing pa to ng NSO at ginagamit pag kukuha ka ng passport. ayaw nila, kailangan daw talaga un local copy na nirerelease pagkapanganak ng bata na binibigay sa ospital. di ko nadala un kaya sabi ng ale, kuha na lang daw ako muna dun. kinabukasan ng umaga pwede na daw makuha at balik ako sa kanya. sinabi ko ung case ko na ako lang magisa andun para magasikaso pero unahin ko daw muna pagkuha nung birth cert, tsaka na lang un susunod.

the following day, friday, nakuha na namin ng umaga un birth cert. buti maikli pila kaya sandali lang ako naghintay. pagdating dun ulit sa legal assistant sabi nya schedule for interview daw kami mag-asawa. sabi ko nga sa kanya kahapon na ako lang mag-isa. ayun di daw pwede. araykupu! akala ko naman ok na, biglang kailangan pa daw ng affidavit of legitimacy from phil. embassy sg tapos papa-authenticate sa DFA sa pinas bago ipapasa ulit sa kanila. manang naman! sana sinabi mo na lang sa kin kahapon para di na lng ako nagbayad ulit para kumuha nung local copy at di nasayang oras namin bumalik dun kundi din naman pala maaayos. haaaayyyyy!!! gobyerno nga naman talaga naten! pano ba tayo aasenso nyan!? pambihira!

blog hopping

today was one of those idle days in the office. there was supposed to be a testing using my laptop but my office mate was out doing his other project so i was left with reading some training materials for the other upcoming projects. the best side of this is having internet access *hoorraayy! bless the cyberspace technology*.

so i was reading through my pile of mails with my other yahoo account and a message from multiply updates gave me an interest. there was a link for kc concepcion's account. i got interested so i clicked on the link and i enjoyed reading her entries and looking at the pictures. though some words are in french *i think*, still i was mighty proud of that gal...why? i was initially expecting a high profiled blogsite in pure english contents, but what i read were entries spoken from the heart containing words of our native tongue. and her entries were really life as it is happening to her, not any bragging account of fashion and high society rubbish or gimiks that 'normal' society people like us only dream about. it was so nice of her to share humbly some of the places she's been to and some experiences she has encountered. so i decided to add her to my list of blogfriendness.

*parang nahiya tuloy ako at gusto ko na din mag-add ng tagalog words dito paminsan minsan when i feel like it nyahahaha*

another nice find was the blogsite of a good friend who was supposed to be my gownmaker if our wedding would have pushed through. veluz reyes, aka mama veluz as i fondly called her, just recently updated her blogsite *thank goodness*. i was really amazed at her artwork gown designs that really shows off the beauty and uniqueness of each of her brides. i was also laughing through some narrations of her experiences with the different brides she had. the latest entry i read was really funny, i could just imagine how much patience she has within her powers to endure the stress hahahaha...

my take on harry

i'm definitely a big fan of jk rowling's harry potter series. having read the first four books for 3x already and the fifth and sixth book 2x is an evidence that i don't tire myself reading it all over again. the first book's movie was shown in pinas last nov.1 of 2005. i actually gave birth to my eldest on oct.25 2005 and went to the movie house at megamall on the 1st showing day just to watch it with dadi niño. hehe fanatic talaga... we even have a dvd collection of the movies shown except for the 5th installment which is not out in the market yet.

the latest movie, order of the phoenix, was admittedly quite boring but was not that bad. i myself didn't really enjoyed reading the book itself so much because it had so many pages and so many side stories. i guess we can't blame the book for being written that way because rowling was just doing justice to each character in harry potter's life, why they turned out to be good wizards and some into villains. some might not really appreciate the movie due to the fact that there were less animations and off-the-seats-wow experience like we had during the 4th movie. harry was most of the time 'angry' at book 5, well practically because of his loss (sirius) and that most people would not believe him that voldemort is back. more agravatingly, the so-called wanna-be-popular and miss-know-it-all professor umbridge was on the scene exploiting the power handed to her by the ministry to take charge of hogwarts.

now that the last installment to the harry potter series book is out in the market, i'm not sure if i want to join the bandwagon and buy the book. somehow i have reservations because it would mean the end... the end of waiting what's next and anticipating more actions and adventures. it was how i felt when i had to buy the last book for the shopaholic series of sophie kinsella. i really really loved those books that i'm willing to read them again by end of this year.

maybe it's just the feeling of elatedness whenever harry vanquishes the evil that makes it more exciting. and how friends would really stick up with you come what may. and how our emotions and feelings for our loved ones suffer also when we're in pain so its best that we move away from them. it's still human nature that is evident even in the magical world. and it was nice that rowling didn't concentrate so much on the divinities and powers beyond humans.

as for the deathly hallows, well i still have to contemplate whether i'll just borrow a copy or get one myself or collect the books altogether or maybe wait for the completion of the movies... we'll see. i'll let you know my decision in time. =)

his amazing grace

"i'm just sharing, by far, my best miracle that made me have more faith in god. truly a demonstration of god's power and love."


the lord's amazing grace has touched my heart and our lives. i was never expecting any miracles to happen this big to us, but it did and i would like to share it to you.

the 2nd week of may was a critical week for us. it would determine whether nixon would still enroll in his school for the next term. it would determine whether tita juvs would need to find a new employer. it would determine whether i and my kids would go back home to pinas and i would have to look for a job there as well. it would determine whether dadi and ice should move out of our condo if that happens. it could affect both our families back home in pinas. and among other things, it would affect our savings for the future.

a week before that, ice, our housemate, and i had a chat. i told her the things that were bothering me and how it would affect everyone including her. she showed genuine concern and we both had a moment of prayer. she was doing a pray over for me. she asked god to give us strength and wisdom to withstand our trials at this time. she asked that my application be picked in the lottery and that i would be able to find a job that would best fit our situation and needs. and i told her that maybe even one request would be enough for us. ice said something that striked me a lot, she said, "god is a powerful god and he is a good god so if we need anything, we can just ask for them all.

guess what, last may 8 at 11:45pm, a call came in to tell me the news that my application was picked in the lottery and that the processing will now continue and i just have to wait til october for the papers to come out. i was jumping with joy when i knocked on ice's room that night even if she was already asleep. that same day also during the afternoon, i had a interview meeting with an agent who would find me a suitable job here in sg.

the following day, may 9, he emailed me about an interview with a prospective client and gave me the details. on may 10, i went to the interview and i was offered a job on the spot. that night i went knocking on ice's door again to tell her that it does happen. that god is really a powerful god and he granted all our prayers. it was also my sis berna's birthday so i called home and greeted her and told them about the good news. i thanked them also for praying for me and my family.

then on may 11, my previous agent texted me and told me that my documents and refunds were ready for pick-up. god is really good. he knew that we needed that extra money so come monday morning, may 14, the last day of enrollment, i was able to pay for nixon's tuition for the next school term. i can also send financial help to my siblings back home for their school tuitions.

god is good all the time, he never ceases to love us even in our most darkest hour. after realizing things about life, i never lost hope and i believed that god is going to provide and answer our needs. he will never abandon us, he may seem distant but he never forgets. he may not give us answers immediately, but he fulfills his promises in due time. praise god for he is the almighty father. thank you very much for all the blessings.

fairy tales

i grew up with believing so much with a 'fairy tale' perspective. my idea of life was that there would be a really major obstacle that would greatly affect me and after defeating my foes, there will be a "happily ever after" scenario. eventually there would be other decision making challenges in the future but after conquering that major obstacle, the upcoming challenges would be lighter.

as i come of age in my twenties, i began to wonder where is that "happily ever after" thing going to happen to me. i mean i keep hitting on, for me what seems to be, my major obstacleS but it's not getting any lighter. then just recently, i started realizing that life is not like the one's we used to believe in fairy tales.

life is a continuous struggle to live and let live. dadi nino helped me through with that enlightenment. it's a process of learning and realizing your goals as you gain your wisdom. you make decisions and priorities according to people who will be affected and how it will make you grow as a person. so now, i don't ask dadi every now and then the question, "when will the struggles end?". i know now that life isn't life without the everyday challenges that we have to live by. the decisions, whether big or small, is always there to keep us into the action of life. we just have to mentally take down notes and learn from every experience. :)