dream journal

i hate myself for being lazy to grab my fone and jot down the thoughts in my mind whenever it comes reeling in. too confident, knowing that i will remember it later, but actually i don't. so i have piles and piles of notes in my head that just faded away. by the time i sit down to face my blank notepad for blogging, i don't know what to write. now here i am, finally jotting down an entry which should have been composed 4months ago.

i'd like to document my weird dreams... maybe someday, somehow, someone would be able to explain to me what it means. or maybe, i just want to keep them because normally, we forget dreams the moment we wake up and just remember fragments.

a. ok so if you're sensitive, don't read this. again, i warned you. i saw in a toilet bowl, a white dove, crawling out of brown grinded stuff, like sand on water. does that even have a translation???

b. holding a big brown rat on his tail. ok, i should've warned you.

c. high school reunion with karen and keith. i don't know why their faces are so vivid.

d. sharing grapes with friends, janx and trina.

e. i saw a friend who fainted in my dream. i guess it was a reminder for me to tell her of what transpired the other day.

carpe diem!

*suddenly remembered i missed posting this last christmas*

the receptionist from my ortho told me that my next appointment would be dec. 24 so she said how about we move it 1st week january. it didn't sink in so my immediate response was, "its chinese new year". then later realized my thoughts lingered in january.

holidays again would go without spending it at home with family. it's been 7 christmases.

i decided to take that trip on january.�

moving houses, paying rent and bills will always be there. getting married, having kids, paedia care, school fees, extended family support is part of life.. it will always be there.�

so what am i saying here? i'm saying i will no longer put on hold things that we, i, wanted to do just because of these part of life. yes, i'm seizing the day. we can always earn back the money we spent, but the time loss, the moment of bliss and happiness of being there and doing what we always wanted to do can fade away. the hours, the days, cannot be rewinded. so why wait when we're old and grey and too fragile to take that adventure? why not now?

i'm feeling excited. as clarisse vaughan has said from "the hours", this moment here of happiness is happiness. right now.

and they strike again

mami: noah you're stepping on my foot!
noah: no mommy... my slippers stepped on your foot!

hmp!

nixon: mommy, how do you spell 'caint'? (sounds something like that to me)
mami: is there such a word? what do you mean?
nixon: you know, it's like when they're being punished
mami: hay naku nixon, CANED! (i even asked him to check the dictionary susme!)

bakit ba kasi sounds like letter 'T' dito pag past tense! HMP!

where have all the eyebrows gone!

was trying to grow back some 'brow tail' since late 2010... just noticed that the magic is gone. i tried resorting to brow liners, but it seems off with the growing tail. you know that feeling when you look in the mirror and feels like your brows are levitating over the liner, its disappointing! so i'd have to cut a little bit of it every time. and now i'm reaping the effects... it just decided not to grow back anymore. now i have to learn the art of brow lining, besides gel eye lining ugh!

Easter Island Underworld | National Geographic Channel

"i would want to visit this place someday... someday..."

Explorer opens your eyes to riveting, untold adventures.

easter island!!!

:)

sms & emails

it started out with an early sms which affected the entire day. followed by the opening of that mail.
the bread with chizwhiz made up for it somehow.. and the quick chat with a dear sibling.

the butterflies in my stomach caused it to miss my lunch with a very good Pa-lady friend.
and the delay that night caused me to miss my dinner/drinks with another Pa-lady friend.

i feel so terrible for missing chillax hours with these beautiful, fun Pa-ladies. next week, i'm totally setting aside quality time with them.

as it turns out

it's been a more than a month now, so far so good with the new post. during my hunt, i was telling myself that i should think 'long term' as a priority

i was choosing between two options then. sad to say, the one that i really wanted didn't suffice. and after a month, i heard some awful news about 'the other'. as it turned out, the posting didn't materialize.

to think i was so disappointed then, and i kept on asking Him, why? why didn't it happen for me?

now, i'm so thankful it really didn't. i'm very thankful to be working side by side with dadi :) i had to blurt out, "thank God!".

cheers!

happy 6th birthday to us :)

math-tinik

the apple does not fall far from the tree

i'm so proud of nixon. he never fails to amuse us when it comes to his studies. of course there would be tough times and this moment, is a moment of celebration and triumph... not just for us parents, but for our friends and families as well.

he got first place in class and 87th in Asia.

i think so too

forgiveness and mercy can be applicable if there is recognition and acceptance of fault, followed by sincere apologies and repentance. then, it is only rightful and deserving to say, "I forgive you".

isn't it funny to be asked, "when will you forgive?", when the culprit isn't exactly aware or directly denies affliction?

shoe-pulsive

i hate myself when i get to the point of letting go...

...of shoeseseses that i bought impulsively!

i normally have dilemmas buying shoes. first of all, my feet are wide, and in this country *where girls are so petite*, getting the right shoes for me is next to impossible! i envy those who could fit perfectly in their cinderella dream. getting the comfy & pretty ones are usually way out of my budget.

i bought 2 pairs from nine west 2years ago... ayun, so far i gave one pair to my sis grace and the other one has been sitting inside the shoe cabinet :( i really like the design and color, unfortunately, the flexing of the leather didn't happen. same goes with my ergo lab shoes... and here i thought it should be feet-friendly!

so now, the hardest part is accepting that it's not meant to be and i have to send them off somewhere where they can be useful.

sigh

strangers in the night

i've been having dreams of people i have not seen in my entire life. when i wake up, i would see their faces in my mind... the dream is so vivid. i can remember features, colors, clothes, expressions, emotions. i don't really know what it means. if its premonition, then why have i not seen them still? so strange...

sometimes i would even dream about being in another place, in another time, in another circumstance. but the memories of these dreams won't last 'til i finally wake up. i could only remember glimpse of some details. but i know in my heart and mind that i was somewhere else.

maybe i'm reading too much philip pullman and j.k. rowling.

blowing bubbles

whenever i see a gumamela flower, it sends me back in time when we were little girls, playing near the shrubberies and picking out gumamela leaves and flowers. we would remove the stalks and sip the sweet juice for it taste good as candy. i can't really remember if it does taste sweet.

of course our main goal was to really make a bubble mix using the flower and leaves. we would smash them with a rock then put them on a tub of water. then we would get the thinnest walis tingting sticks *broomstick* and tie them up to a knot and will be used as the bubble maker. out of frustration of not achieving the right texture of the gumamela bubble mix, we sneak in at our laundry basket and scoop some detergents, without our mom's knowledge hehehe!

i think most of us experienced this during our childhood years way back in pinas... i'm seeing a lot of heads nodding and grins in your faces right now. =D

a piece of me

here's a new piece of me... done last may 2nd. thanks to mareng ne for lending his tat artist, nick.

the flower is a lily.. personifying my nick during high school. the chinese character is my surname. i haven't thought about completing my name coz i'm also toying with the idea of having my sons' chinese names tat as well *in the future i suppose*.

into deep

right now, i'm in my cave, trying to calm down and compose myself. at this moment, at this instant, i really really wish i was there... that we are there. that this shouldn't be happening if we were there. i really wanna be there so badly, i'm crying and hurting inside so bad. i'm pushing away all thoughts of regrets, frustrations, anger and blame. why, why does it have to be so hard? why can't it happen?

aloe hair!

please don't judge me. this is the only way i know, my last resort to alleviate my hair's agony.

it's been 3months now since it started falling off incessantly. i was ignoring it at first, thinking it must be normal for a week or two. but by golly! i'm so scared right now 'coz it keeps falling off even if i just comb my hair once a day (during mornings only while its wet). my suspect: the hair lotion i'm applying c/o pink beauty to keep my curls neat. it doesn't come cheap mind you. i stopped using it for about 3weeks now and my alternative is ginvera olive oil, but the same number of hair strands are still falling off huhuhu!

while some of you might go for hair technology, treatments and damage control products, i decided to go back to basics. i don't wanna shed more pennies to only regret it later on. my solution: aloe vera. yes, i bought a big 'leaf' in the grocery and asked my ever reliable hubby to scrub the aloe jelly(?) on my scalp and leave it there for half an hour before washing. i just had a sudden flash of memory of my mom helping a neighbor scrub aloe vera while having their usual afternoon chitchats way back my childhood days. there was even another hair remedy... 'gugo' bark, which you soak into the water and lathers up like shampoo and is applied to the scalp and hair. if aloe vera doesn't work, then i need to get this 'gugo' bark. yes, i'm desperate.

lizzy and mr. darcy

have you ever had this feeling when you read a book that you really like... and you wanna keep reading it because you're so excited and thrilled to know the what's gonna happen next *even if you have watched it in a movie already*? yet at the same time, you dread that the pages are going by so fast, there's just few of them left so you wanna stop and you wished that the pages would not end...

that's how i felt while reading jane austen's pride and prejudice.

i'm so happy and very satisfied after reading the book itself. crazy enough, i watched the movie immediately that night after reading it. recognizing the dialogues in the book being spoken by the characters made it so real, especially the part when lady catherine de bourgh confronted elizabeth. mrs. bennet is even funnier in the book, and mr. darcy's confessions of love for lizzy is so heartwarming! i'm so in love with him! hahaha!

here are my fave quotes in the book:

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. - Mary, Chapter 5

"Really, Mr. Collins," cried Elizabeth with some warmth, "you puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as to convince you of its being one." - Chapter 19

"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do." - Mr. Bennet, Chapter 20 <-- this really made me laugh while i was in the train!

She was suddenly roused by the sound of the door-bell, and her spirits were a little fluttered by the idea of its being Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, who had once before called late in the evening, and might now come to inquire particularly after her. But this idea was soon banished, and her spirits were very differently affected, when, to her utter amazement, she saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room. In an hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began: "In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." <-- super kilig moment!

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." - Mr. Darcy

crazy!

this guy is just so great, i have to share his performance to ya' all... get ready to be amazed

funny wants and grudges

some of the things my sons told me/us the past week na nakakagulat at nakakatawa...

nixon: mami, next time can we go to australia?
me: *recovering from shock* huh? why?
nixon: i heard from tita isa that her trip was fun and exciting. i would like to go there too
me: ok, tell your daddy

anlayo kaagad ng narating ng pangarap ng kuya ko ha... kailangang pag-ipunan susme!

noah: mami, i love you! i love it when you come home at daytime

what he means is, he's happy when i come home from work na may liwanag pa. dito kasi sa gapor, mga 7pm usually maliwanag pa.

nixon: mami, can we have another baby brother or a baby sister?
me: *shock na naman* why??
nixon: i just want one more playmate

wow kuya, madaling gawin yan, mahirap i-maintain!

yesterday, i was on searching on my mac while noah was answering his activity book. sa sobrang busy ko, di ko sya naririnig hanggang sa lumapit na lng sya sakin, sabay sabi, "mami! is there something wrong with your ears???"
me: ha? what happened?
noah: i keep calling you to help me with my book!
me: ay sorry baby, i didn't hear you.. what were you asking?
noah: hmp! *with cross arms on chest* i don't like you because there is something wrong with your ears!!!!

pinigilan ko talagang tumawa! sinumbong pa nya ko kay tita juvs! *our nanny* ang kulit!!! imbes na sabihin nyang, i don't like you because you're not listening to me, talagang tinuya nya ang tenga ko! hahahaha

a matter of no consequence

i have this notion, while i was reading 'the little prince' by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, that the book would be somewhat shallow and probably be categorized as a children's book. but after reading it, i couldn't help but put it in my 'to-reread' list. here are my fave quotes... i will leave them for your own inspiration :)
Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.i think most of us is struck by this truth: once we become adults, we forget that we were once kids and loose our imagination... that's why everything becomes very complicated.
"One must command from each what each can perform, the king went on. "Authority is based first of all upon reason. If you command your subjects to jump into the ocean, there will be a revolution. I am entitled to command obedience because my orders are reasonable.", said the King. " Then my sunset?" insisted the little prince, who never let go of a question once he had asked it. "You shall have your sunset. I shall command it. But I shall wait, according to my science of government, until conditions are favorable."
this one, for me, pertains to responsible governance and being logical subjects.


Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
i didn't know that this quote comes from this book. it is true... the physical fades, but the heart and compassion remains.


"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
i'm very fond with the fox in this book. he's a feeling creature, and his words are wise. for me, it's like when you start caring and loving someone, you nurture the relationship. and whatever the circumstance is, whether it blooms or fails, we should take responsibility and not absolve ourselves from the commitment.

*my heartfelt thanks to pazette for recommending this book :)*