quick ones

reposting from my fb status, dated today:
me: whats d name of ur new teacher?
nixon: i dunno
me: do you have chinese remedial tomorrow?
nixon: i dunno
me: e what do u know???
nixon: i know nothing about it.
*kablag!!!*

this one i haven't posted yet, but is a series of 'santa claus' and 'snow' querries:
noah: mami, i want santa claus to come here on christmas
me: *looks at dadi* ok noah, i will tell him
noah: but how can u tell him, he lives in the north pole? he's very far away
me: ok, i will text him or call him
noah: can u call him now? i want to tell him i want bumblebee
me: *looks again at dadi*

i think He took the hint.

noah: i want to make a snowman
me: ahh.. we don't have snow in singapore
nixon: then why don't we go to a place where there's lots of snow?
me: hmmm.. ok i'll let your dadi know

i hope He would take the hint. seriously.

gratitude

i'm writing this entry down to remember recent moments that has made my heart overwhelmed with joy as my boys expressed their gratitude towards me. i'm so touched by their simple way of making me feel so loved and blessed to have them.

nixon's school exams went through for the past 2weeks. i helped him review, and there was this one english composition that he has to make out of 4 picture boxes. i sat by his side and guided him on how to understand the scenes and make a story out of each. after we finished, he told me, "mommy, i think i'm gonna get very good marks for this. thank you so much for helping me do this.". i feel so proud of him, he recognizes and appreciates me even in that simple words.

today, as tita juvs was off, i was inspired to make tuna pasta with white sauce. we had some giniling for lunch but noah chose to wait for my pasta. once done, we put some on his plate and he inhaled the scent of the food then exclaimed, "mmm yummy! it smells so good!". he took his first bite, and with mouth full, he said, "mommy, thank you so much for cooking a very delicious food for us! its so yummy, i like it... no, i LOVE it!". aawww, my heart was filled with love and joy! :)

of course, di naman magpapatalo ang daddy... i Like the food, i Love the cook! :D mwehehe!

i think i will proceed to get that oven... my boys wanted a cooking/baking session with me. noah & nixon already planned on a 3-tier cake. good luck to us!

jazz it up! *wink*

i'm not a big fan of goodbye's.. well, who is anyway. maybe i'm in denial, that's what you may think. but maybe i'm just a believer.. that it's not the end. that i'll come back soon or we'll meet again someday soon.

when dadi left for work here in sg, i never shed a tear. when my time came to follow and left behind nixon, i braved the airport, hugged him tight and kissed him sweetly. i had in my thoughts that i'll get him soon. when i left for the states, dadi and i didn't make a big fuss in the airport. no crying, no hugging tight on the last hour before boarding. not even a word goodbye or sweet nothings or cheesiness-es.

today, when one of the best-est person in my life left to give birth back home in ph, i acted naturally as if she has never gone. i went to work the way i used to every day of the week.. i tended to the household and the kids. yes we met midweek, only to walk with her going to tapa king and i left for the gym. how weird is that? instead of staying with her for all evening, i decided to do as planned. yesterday, friday, i didn't even think about going to her place and spending more time. i texted her, and wrote my fb status tagging her. last night, i read her message for me in fb, and my tears just rolled down unexpectedly and dadi noticed it. then we laughed and i continued to cry. now i know why roylann loves her so much.

i also know now how true of a friend she is to me. i know we'll be friends forever. i didn't think it was a big deal she went back home.. i'm confident we'll meet again and nothing will change. the few months we spent knowing each other was awesome. she believed in me, and i believe in her. she never ceases to endure my craziness, and i'm very thankful. :)

til then, my precious friend.

p.s. i think i like precious more than taba :P hahaha!

teeny bits

i've been thinking some 'things to do before forty'.. i came up with some which i hope would happen.

- learn to swim and skate (ice or rollers) *oo na, sounds loserish but i should learn!*
- have a baby girl *if god permits.. i'm envious of those being able to dress up their princesses*
- have my own cooking over (the real thing) and bake a cake
- lose 10kg *don't mock me for needing to invest 9yrs to achieve it*
- get myself an LV or gucci *like i said in point4, don't mock me.. haha!*
- read one of shakespear's novels *any suggestions?*

rekindling family

my manila vacation was not planned. i'm not sure if i should really thank the recent ondoy for giving us an excuse to go back home. but anyway, all i can say is, its awesome. i never felt like i was the child again, the daughter again, the sister again, the friend again.

i thought it would be a very busy vacation... scavenger hunting for stuffs to go in to our new home. but fortunately, things were pretty much settled on the 2nd day. we bought sala set & dining set, cooking ware and some groceries. giving is really a very rewarding experience especially to your family. i was happy to see my mom glowing while looking at her new orange & black sala set. and i gave in to my father's request, a tv/radio rack that he really liked which was perfect for our mini sala. i was touched seeing them put things together and excited to make the house cozy and warm. my bro and sisses were so thrilled for the stuffs we got them. yeah, it's really been a long time since i've been with my parents and siblings.

bonding with long time friends was the best. i've never been so happy being with real people and friends who truly care and were genuinely happy to see and hear from you. who, after all these years, remained in touch. jeng & peachie, made me feel young again, like back when we were in highschool and giggle a lot. seeing peter, bien & allan was also invigorating. i've missed these people.

after being in sg for 5years, i suddenly missed being around my family everyday. i know sometimes its unbearable, but its also assuring to be with the real people who love and care about you. its being around people who you can really talk to, that's what i truly missed. i don't know, maybe i just got tired being the adult, that i missed being the child.

i'm very thankful i got this break. and i was definitely happy seeing the smiles on my kids' faces when they saw me back home. =)

fail forward

i would like to re-post this email sent to me... its a constant reminder that i shouldn't hate myself for making bad decisions and being with d wrongs. thanks ice! :)

_________________________________

When You Fail, Fail Forward (by John Maxwell)

Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!" Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So he went out and wept bitterly. Matthew 26:74-75

Everybody fails, errs, and makes mistakes. You've heard the saying "To err is human, to forgive, divine." Alexander Pope wrote that over 250 years ago. And he was only paraphrasing an ancient saying that was common during the time of the Romans. Recently I came across something called "Rules for Being Human." I think several of these describe well the state we're in:

Rule #1: You will learn lessons.
Rule #2: There are no mistakes - only lessons.
Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
Rule #4: If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder.
Rule #5: You'll know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.

You see, writer Norman Cousins was right when he said, "The essence of man is imperfection." Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success. If we learn to embrace that new definition of failure, then we are free to start moving ahead - and failing forward.

ber months are back!

...and oh, i just remembered... today, the countdown officially starts! yiippee!!! 115days til christmas!!! love love love the holiday season.

♫ its beginning to look a lot like christmas.. everywhere you go *except sg LOL* ♫

getting the hang of it

there would be times when i miss most things... of how fun it used to be and how everyone is so connected. but nowadays, due to work schedule and family bonding related matters, we're getting used to the idea of being with the boys most of the times.

right now, there are so many things happening around our family that keeps us busy. nixon is making so much progress in school, although we still keep watch on his english going towards singlish. he's making new friends and is now having crushes *blush blush si kuya*. noah on the other hand is so tabachingching hahaha! the thought of going home to hug him is enough to send me flying out of the office haha! when i do get home, i'm rewarded with hugs and kisses and a very heartwarming, "mommy i miss you so much"-greeting. dadi also makes effort these days to come home early and go out with the kids every weekends.

i found my sanctuary... i'm so blessed to have them in my life.

to him

its raining so hard outside... blessings are pouring on your special day. we pray to god that you may have more love to give and more life to share. may you have the strength and courage to be the best that you can be. may all your dreams come true.

happy birthday daddy nino!!! from all of us, who loves you so dearly.

a reminder

i received a message from facebook, from 'God wants you to know' application. the message goes...

On this day of your life, Aslee, we believe God wants you to know...
... that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.


the part, 'Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect.' struck me the most. i guess that after feeling so exhausted and unhappy with my current work, i succomb to worldly things like pretty jewelries, fancy food, etc. and this reminder made me stop and realize that i should focus on the positives and blessings coming in right now. maybe i'm beginning to lose faith on that belief that everything will get better in time.

i should learn to manage my time and energy so i can reserve some for bonding moments with my kids. and i don't really need to tire myself of endless issues that have no significance in our lives right now. so, now i'm blogging again hehe! :D

little big ones

on a regular saturday lunch together at home, here's one funny conversation we had with the kids.

dadi : so nixon, what do you want to be when you grow up?

nixon : i want to be a... starts with the letter 'A' *here we go again with the famous guessing game*

dadi : astronaut?

mami : aeronaut?

nixon : followed by letter 'R'

dadi : argonaut?

nixon : no! an Artist!

*dadi and i exchanged glances with a smirk(?) on the face*

dadi : why do you want to be an artist?

nixon : so i can have my own collection to sell for the kids.

i think what he meant to say is, he's going to have a fundraiser for the kids by selling his collections. he got it from watching higglytown heroes, and the guilty character is yubi.

dadi : how about you noah, what do you want to be when you grow up?

noah : i want to be a daddy! *ayun, i think i'm gonna faint!*

dadi : *grins* why?

noah : because i want to be like you daddy!

OMG!!! na-speakless ako! Alert alert!!!

shapes

the thought has never occurred to me... that this moment, this instance will happen in my life. an instance when i have to make a decision to stop the line. i'm not ready, i'm not sure what will happen, i don't know if i'll ever be brave enough to mean it, to make it happen. but i have to...

it came to a point that drawing the line to fulfill the circle will have to come to an end. when it has arrived at a corner where continuing the line is painful already and creates agony, the only thing to do is cut it.

maybe its time to draw another line, in a separate sheet... in a pleasant stationary, where new circles can be drawn again. new and colorful ones that will erase entirely the hurt and regrets.

hugging the rock

*this book was given to me by dadi rak... he was very fond of it. he was all smiles when he handed it over to me. these are the lines from the 1st page...*

No Room
When my mom decides to run away from home
she packs up her car
with all the things that matter most
to her.

Her guitar
and some books
all her CDs
her clothes
her shoes
Grandma's music box from the fireplace mantle
and the quilt from the bed she shares with Dad.

She jams plastic grocery bags
filled with soap and shampoo
between the small spaces
left in between things
and tied a couple of suitcases to the roof.
At the last minute she
throws in a few dishes
some towels
and a potted red geranium
that guards the front porch.

Dad tells her not to pack stuffs too high
so she can still see out the back window
but she ignores him
and shoves her pillow
between her guitar case and portable TV.

By the time she's done
there's no room left for anything else.
No room left for Dad.

And no room left for me.

kid's humor

last saturday, we were on our way to mareng hani's baby shower. then we saw nixon and noah's friends in the playground.

noah: mami, who's that? *pointing to a thin girl w/ protruding teeth and ponytails*
me: your friend! *pardon me, i don't know their names*
noah: no mami! its chicken little!

then i looked back at the little girl... it made me think, then i suddenly realize why.

he was referring to abby mallard.. nyahahah! my son is a bully at 3, tsk tsk! *alert alert!*

noah is growing too fast physically, right now he's weighing 23kg! he won't fit into the regular XL, XXL diapers (12-18kg)... so we were left with no option, we got the XXXL (18-25kg). imagine, 14pieces costing 21SGD! omgulay! hay we were thinking of getting him adult diapers instead, what do u think? :D

on another note, i'm admiring nixon's development lately. i know we haven't been around much lately becoz dadi and i are swamped with work. but nixon was able to handle his holiday homeworks on his own. he's now into reading books like oliver twist, gulliver's travel and peter pan. i hired him a tutor for his mandarin, so he can have someone to converse with in a regular basis. he's enjoying it, and he can understand his tutor even when she's communicating with him in pure mandarin. he also refers to the chinese-english dictionary on his own. one night i sat with him to teach him how to search for the words that he's looking for, and he was very interested. the following day, i saw him doing his assignment using it.

toughing the toughs

there will really be times that you will encounter a boss/superior that would persistently annoy you or compete with you. its just sad that while you want to give him/her as much respect as you want, it just wouldn't suffice because he/she makes you feel incompetent and a moron. sometimes you want to give him/her the benefit of the doubt, but more often, he competes with you and goes on power trips. sometimes he/she just wouldn't take responsibility and throws you in with the sharks. i just don't understand why bosses wouldn't talk to other bosses (yours versus your user or client).

sigh... anyway, need to go back to work.

farewell, lei

*from left to right: bernice, lei, adel, me and dini*

i realized that i don't post entries with pictures lately, so i was contemplating on which story i could post... i never thought and expected that this would be it...

she was lei to others, lani to some, lakambini to all of us. leilani zabella never fails to make us smile with her simple quirks and her happy disposition is infectious.

she was tall, morena, has long shiny hair and a bright smile. she belonged to another section, but we instantly clicked when we first met as freshmen from siena qc. she's so down to earth... even if she belongs to the upper class, she won't mind having an average person as a friend. our birthdays are 2 days apart, it usually falls on our school fair during which we would pay the announcement booth to greet each other on air.

after high school, we drifted apart... i never heard much from her until we were graduating in college. thanks to friendster, we got connected once again. and from there, we got back to our yearly tradition of greeting each other on our birthdays. and when we got a chance last september to see each other in LA, we were both thrilled. we joined the other girls for dinner and were able to catch up.

today, my friend hya informed me that lei is gone... it didn't sink in because i was busy at work. during lunch time i went back to our photos in multiply. and i can't help but feel the loss so deep in my heart. she has so many dreams, she has so many things to accomplish, she has yet to get wed. she was 30years old... i love you lei. you will definitely be missed.

*life is so short... shorter for others. that's why we should cherish life and love. we should try our hardest to express our love towards people who matter in our lives.*

i have conquered

last night i was sleepless. i'm both excited and agitated. it's the first time i'm joining a marathon, and dadi was suppose to join me. but becoz he has to work, i would have to be strong on my own.

this morning at 7:20am, i joined the 10km singapore passion run (competitive). i felt sad being alone amidst all those who were anticipating the start of the race. when the horn sounded, everyone started running... i went from brisk walking to jogging on my own pace. i told myself that i won't be pressured by those people passing by. as isa put it, just chill.. don't rush, no pressure, enjoy it.

by 4km, i was beginning to feel exhausted and i was blaming dadi for convincing me to signup for the 10km, when i could've been going back already if i had registered to the 5km. there was a fork ahead, and i was thinking if i should go back and quit or if i should push myself to try some more. the latter won. after reaching 7km, i checked my timer and found out that i have been jogging *and walking* for 1hour and 7minutes already. the blazing sun made me jog and walk faster.

at 8km, i started to get worried. i thought i may have missed the path where i'm supposed to go round back. and then i saw the mark and felt relieved. finally, i will be on the other side of the road, the path to the finish line.. hoooraayy!!! i was aiming for 2hours to finish the whole stretch... i did it in 1hour and 48minutes. :)

spontaneous thoughts

i'm writing this blog entry while plotting our menu for the week and listing down my grocery list while telling nixon to finish his lunch, while asking noah to sit still and watch tv and stop throwing things to his brother. o diba multitasking haha!

creating a 'diverse' menu for the week is a real challenge for me. it always has to have at least 2-3 kinds of veggie dishes and 2 varieties of soup dishes. fish once a week is also a must have. this requirement is for the kids. they enjoy veggies and fishes more than pork or beef. its because of the 'chewable properties' of veggies over meat. except for the case of adobo which is their favorite that i happily indulge them with chicken and pork. our dear noahby loves chicken a lot. however, chicken is to be avoided in a day that dadi will eat in or bring his baon to work. we both abstain from chicken because we get allergies.

so now i should get back to my grocery list and multitask again afterwards (ie. pay bills, go over nixon's homework, put noah to nap, blog *hihi*). the joys and pains of motherhood. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining.. in fact, i'm enjoying myself a lot.

breather

i'm so relieved to be informed that my irritating pm is on leave from today until thursday then i'm on leave on friday for nixon's parent-teacher meeting. whew! it's like having a room for one week to breathe! yiippppeeee!!!

i'm so looking forward also to another 'toy'... hopefully, we can be united by end of this month :D

happy face

it feels so nice to be able to wake up early again, like the normal average working person does almost 5days a week. and yesterday morning (saturday 9am), i was able to walk in the nearby mcdonalds and buy myself a big breakfast with rak *yiippeee!!!*. it's been a while since i last had that sausage mcmuffin with egg and coffee. :)

today, rak and i watched star trek. beam me up scottie! it was awesome! no dull moments, even if i'm not really a follower. great acting sylar *haha!*.