to be swept away off ur feet

what does it take for you to be swept away off your feet and be in cloud9?

i have been watching too many chick flick and romantic movies these days, and i get totally carried away with 'kilig' on those sweet moments when the boy would propose to the girl on his knees spontaneously... or those profound moments of kissing and hugging. *sigh*

the best part is the saying of i love you's... especially when i imagine myself being the girl on the movie being professed with love and devotion. i could just imagine how surreal that moment is...

today is a milestone

after 12midnight on this 22nd day of november year 2008, i sent a simple text message to my father. i greeted him a very happy birthday and i told him he's 59 and by january2009 i'll be 30. so i'm almost half of his life. i told him to take good care of his health and i thanked him. it touched my heart when he immediately replied to me, "thank u at ikaw sana matupad lahat ng pangarap mo. i'm proud of you, take care ka lagi jan." (thank u and i hope all your dreams would come true. i'm proud of you, take care always.)

i was teary-eyed... it was the first time in my entire 30years that my father told me that he is proud of me. we had gone through rough times together and after all these years, he finally sees me and i'm so moved by his words. he was never good at expressing himself, and i'm grateful for his courage.

to you papa, happy birthday and i love you always.

beyonce, be scared, be very scared!

this link was forwarded to me by a friend, blessie, who was browsing in youtube.com to find latest song hits.. she found this and i was so amazed! i was laughing my heart out and furious with envy!




now, due to the overwelming response of the viewers proven by more than 1million hits, he guested in BH talk show (Bonnie Hunt). here's the 'purified' version... watch it here!

2nd monthsary alone

new things i've mustered so far being in a different environment and experiencing 1st's in my life..

1. the earth does get very cold in some parts of this world. i never expected that a vast space would be like a cold freezer with cold mist splashing in your face.

2. staying in a suburban area is cool although it sometimes gets boring when there's only one bus passing by your neighborhood and the nearest civilization (malls) is 40minutes away.

3. autumn leaves are really fascinating and wonderful. before, i didn't really care when i come across them in magazines and the internet. now seeing them in person makes it feel so delightful. the changing of colors are awesome!

4. that in these events, i should take very good care of my camera :( it's been more than 2weeks now since it's been in the repair center. please get well soon so i can still catch the autumn leaves before snow comes in.

5. it takes a lot of patience waiting for the bus to pass by and getting there in the train station 30minutes before the arrival. it takes a lot of warming power to sit or stand in the shed while cold wind is blowing and smoke is definitely coming out of your breath (but i kinda like the smoke thing hehe).

6. you learn to do chores on your own and well, do all of them by yourself. *prang redundant haha*

7. i learned to read the maps and be observant of the road signs and bus stops and shops, banks, church, groceries within the area so that the next time, i know when to hit the stop button in the bus and where to alight in train stations.

8. i learned how to find a way to entertain myself when sadness, loneliness, depression and homesickness kicks in :( *sigh* i really miss my kids and dadi rak. *i already watched grey's anatomy from season1-4*

sadyang ganoon

minsan, kahit gaano kalabis mong ipakita sa taong mahal mo na iniibig mo sya, sadyang di ka nya nakikita.

minsan, kahit gaano kaalab ang iyong pag-irog sa kanya, sadyang di nya maramdaman ang kapurihan ng iyong pagsinta.

minsan, kahit gaano kahigpit ang iyong yakap sa kanya upang ipadama ang init ng iyong pagmaliw, sadyang kumakawala sya sa iyong mga bisig.

minsan, kahit gaano mo sya gustong punuin ng iyong pag-aaruga at proteksyon, sadyang pilit pa din syang lalayag at papalaot sa piling ng iba.

minsan, kahit gaano kasakit sa iyong damdamin na makita syang masaya sa piling ng kanyang sinisinta, sadyang kailangang tanggapin na kahit kailan di sya para sa iyo.

minsan, kahit gaano kaganda at kadalisay ang iyong intensyong mapaligaya sya, palalayain mo sya kahit lumuluha ang iyong puso.

sadyang ganoon talaga.. mas mahalaga ang pagmamahal nya sa iniibig nya kaysa sa pag-ibig na nilalaan mo para sa kanya.

noted

a gentleman knows when to walk away and doesn't settle for anything less than what he deserves. - mrs. burke, grey's anatomy

bbrrrr

it's end of october and snow should start in supposedly 2weeks... not!
i'm forcing myself to walk my way to the bathroom, turn on the showers and bathe, but my cold feet are creeping its way back to the covers.

bbrrrrr... the cold weather is coming.. and i'm missing my warm human blanket :(

haberday!

happy birthday to my ever dearest gwaping baby boy, nixon :) mami loves you so much! i hope you'll grow up to be a much stronger and braver person. dadi, mami and noah will always be here for you. we love you! mwah!

bright leaves.. windy wind

as i am looking outside the window inside my room, i saw that the leaves are falling from the trees and they look pretty. it's so colorful. and the wind outside is humming its way to fall season. i think the weather helps to dampen your emotions or lift them up in such a way that it clouds your judgement and perspective. i'm trying my best to stay focus and be in the game. it should happen, if not sooner, then later. i just have to breathe and think about the nice colors of the leaves, the brighter side of the humming wind and cool breeze. this is just a phase, to renew, discover and learn. maybe it won't turn out the way i expected, but at least i enjoyed the ride and realized something new. i need to prioritize myself sometimes, and be kinder to my own self. i deserve a chance to be happy and discover who i really am.

colder than LA

i'm in hayward, california for the past 5days and tomorrow i'll be flying off to new jersey to face the reality of my purpose why i'm here.

anyway, the 1hour flight sucks as it was so bumpy and all windy so we were all buckled up the entire journey. of course you know me, the girl with the ever-ready med kit who never runs out of white flower and candies during travel. yes, i really hated it coz i felt so dizzy and i was thinking, i should've taken the 6hour train ride. so i got off safely, thank god and christen and hubby ryan and baby kyle were there to take me home to their nice place. grabe, the wind was blowing cold in my face and body.

the following day, we went to fisherman's wharf to stroll around. there was heavy traffic coz of the airshow so parking was a disaster, imagine 2hours to find a space! finally we got late lunch from tarantino's restaurant and had the famous clam chowder soup and pasta. then we went around pier39. the place was packed with lots of people. and btw, my camera broke huhuhu *big time sob*. it fell when we were inside the wax museum. we weren't able to go view the alcatraz but we just took some pics.

the following day, our college buds, bien and lesther, picked us up to go wine tasting in napa valley. it was kinda far but when you get there, it feels like a sossy suburban area hehe! lots of tourist trying out wines from every vineyard. we went to two, one is very famous for their wines and the other one was where they shoot some scenes in walk in the clouds movie of keanu reeves. of course, the wine tasting session was the most fun of it. i think i got tipsy after trying 6 kinds of red/white wine.

my experience here was awesome! a break on the buzz and hustle of the city of LA. i'm so thankful with my friends who made my 1st month here in the US very awesome! pictures to follow =)

it's never ending.. it's pointless coz it's going in circles.. i'm tired, frustrated and stressed.. and it never has a conclusion. so why bother.. just let it go.

i remember

i need you back... i need you here to guide me... please come back, you're the only one who's ever loved me... i need you back... let's start all over again. share the love you had for me then..

i wish he could just be supportive and loving right now.. as in, now. *sigh* wherever you are, i hope you're happy always.


thor

ang nakaraan..

eto, delayed ulit posts ko. since i have few more days left here in LA, might as well write an update. sa totoo lang naiinis ako ngayon dito sa multiply account ko. may mga pics kasi na high resolution that i uploaded previously and you can view them individually so mas clear sya kasi malaki. but right now, di mo na sya makita. baket? kasi nagpapabayad na multiply!!! kainis!!! ggrrrrr!! natuwa pa naman ako dati sa kanya dahil masaya mag-upload ng pics for your friends and relatives to see. tapos ngayon $19.95 ang upgrade para lang maka post ka ng high res pics?!?! wadaf**K! can somebody just give me an alternative?

anyway, last weekend i was busy *buti na lang kasi may mga taong nagpapasira ng araw ko lately*. we attended hya's nephew's birthday tapos i met with my high school friends for dinner and get together. and then sinundo ako ng common sg friend namin ni faye na si anie and stayed overnight in their house. promise ang ganda ng house nila! post ko next time in another site kasi imbiyerna dito sa multiply.

tapos nung monday, namasyal kami sa universal studios. buti na lang mabait un pinsan ni hya at sinama kaming ipasyal dun together w/ his wife and kid. thanks again kuya danny and hya! again, pics to follow. tinatamad kasi ako mag-edit ng pics para lang magkasya sya sa acceptable size dito.

Closing Cycles

*i found this in my stockroom hehe.. it's a very nice read.*

Closing Cycles
By Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, ! your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

*amen to that*

i guess i would not be receiving that email after all... *what was i thinking*

trying..

i'm still trying... trying my best to be less sad. trying my best not to be scared to express my emotions because i feel that every time i do, things get screwed up. trying my best to listen, to understand, to have patience, to endure. maybe next time, i'll try not to speak.

breathe.... just breathe...

other side of the world

Where should I start? I can’t even seem to find my words right now with all the pain and misery that I’m feeling. I’m miles away from my love ones, and I can’t do anything but pray and have faith that everything will get better soon. But why does it feel that I’m so alone in my hopes and dreams? Why do they continue to send me to oblivious pain? I have tried my best to express my sadness and hurt diplomatically… but they still keep on insisting their logical reasons which I find very insulting. I thought I left a strong boulder to keep our family intact… but pieces are crumbling away and I can’t find a super glue to keep it together because the rain of tears won’t stop flowing… and along with it comes my hopes and dreams drifting away off the shore. I should pick up my pace and accept the loss. I pray that things will get better eventually… I need to believe that there is still light at the end of the tunnel.

Artist: KT Tunstall
Song: Other Side Of The World

Lyrics:

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like
the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
Ohh.... the other side of the world
You're.... the other side of the world
To me.

*sigh* <-- youtube vid

ladidu

i'm so sorry, i'm procrastinating. ang hirap promise! sobrang busy with packing, meeting with friends, doing last minute errands and sis grace and her friend touched down in sg yesterday. in between all those, i try to spend quality time with my boys and gather our pictures. i promise to give you the juices when i settled down on the other side of the world. *huhuhuhu* when i'm able to update my blog, it means i landed to my destination and currently miles away from my dearest family and friends.

*21hours to go, and i'm crying a bucket full =( *

hbd eram!

since friday is our usual night out and eram's birthday is on a sunday *which she would most likely spend with her family*, we decided to give her a pre birthday celebration in clarke quay. we ate at cuba libre, kind of a mixture of mexican, spanish, cuban food i guess hehe! nachos and quesadillas are perfect to d taste buds. eram and i tried d shiraz wine while ami and dadi rak took the mojitos. ulrik, *pa-girly effect ata* drank the pink guava vodka ata un! haha! then ashoeshwal we had coffee at the coffee bean, surprising the birthday lady *who btw turned 23 for d 7th time? hahaha* with a mudpie cake.

happy birthday dear blessie! =) pictures --> here!

dadi's off d calendar

last aug21, dadi and i decided to spend time by ourselves and have dinner in a nice place in clarke quay. it's been a tradition every year that we have dinner somewhere on the night of dadi's birthday. this year we held it in a spanish restaurant named tapas tree. my friends have tried it a year ago and recommended the beef stew and paella. so i made reservations and we arrived just in time. the paella takes some time to cook to i had it done 30minutes before we arrived. we ordered picadillo and gambas together with the paella. some cocktail drink and beer to go along with the sumptuous feast. i forgot what our dessert was called but it was kinda like bread pretzels dipped in nice belgian chocolate.

we enjoyed the night and i was happy to see that dadi was so pleased. happy 32nd birthday dadi rak =)