khmer siem reap trip

my fascination with culture has lead me yet to another place i truly admire... that is siem reap, cambodia. i heard of their history and temples in my asian history class, but my attention got really drawn to it when i watched the movie, tomb raider.

they were mainly using USD as their trade currency, but you can also use cambodian riels. we stayed at steung siem reap hotel; conveniently located in the old french quarter and a few meters away from the old market, restaurants, atm machines, drugstores, bakery and pub street. angkor night market is like three blocks away. our trip falls on a dry, cool season (18-19deg C) on early mornings and late afternoons, while it hits 30-33deg C during mid day.

the highs during my trip was the 'temple hopping' of major landmarks: "angkor wat", "ta phrom", "bantey srei", and "bayon temple". it never ceased to amazed me how intricate the carvings were on the wall. our tourist guide, mr. somuch, told us that there were unending conflicts of religion in the old times... temples were revered and built for hindus, then later on by buddhist. so the conflicting carvings and vandalisms were evident on most of them. i was astonished how these different bricks and rocks have formed faces that have definite features. and i was astonished at the thought of being on a temple on a temple! we went up to temples
15meters high only to find more temples on top haha! and it felt like we were just on the ground.

(left) bayon temple, (right) ta phrom or tomb raider

the locals were very calm, accommodating, soft spoken and 'eager' (i'm speaking for tuktuk drivers and market vendors here). most of them would really sell their services just so they could save for the rainy season. it's not ideal to go there on monsoons, the place would be soaked in mud and floods. i was surprise that most locals we encountered were not aware of what day it was...

us to tuktuk driver: vichet, please fetch us on saturday morning, around 9am

vichet: ok ok. what day is today?

us: its thursday, so the day after tomorrow.

another one with our tourist guide, mr. somuch...

somuch: so until when are you here in cambodia?

us: til sunday morning

somuch: what day is today?

us: uuhh.. friday. so the day after tomorrow.

somehow it made us think that while they let each day pass by without minding about the day and time, while we on the other hand, are always trying to count the minutes, hours, day in a week. it was a breath of fresh air, very laid back and relaxed... while we urban creatures kept pulling for our weekends, which honestly just go by unnoticed.

major highlight was crossing out one item off my bucket list... climbing up a mountain. i'm proud to have finished that 1.5km hike up kbal spean and sunk our feet in the cool waterfall. the terrain was a bit tough and challenging... halfway, i even asked myself why am i punishing myself on my freakin' birthday hahaha! but it was truly rewarding. our day ended with a delicious dinner treat in bopha restaurant serving local delicacies followed by shopping souvenirs in the flea market. *side note: mr. somuch and our driver laughed at us because we were ordering what they call 'peasant food'! we loved amok & sam lor macheu, i bought spices back for cooking them.*

1.3km more to go! aja aja!

(left) amok & khmer style beef soup, (right) sam lor macheu & khmer prawn w/ veggies

when we visited the landmine museum, my heart felt sadness and pity for the cambodians. it was just around 1990's that they started patching themselves up after the french colonization and pol pot's reign. it's understandable why most of them would simply live by their means because they're scared to farm or fish with the fear of a landmine or bomb exploding in their midst. the initiative of landmine clearing was started by aki ra, who was chosen top 10 cnn hero for 2010.. kudos to him! they have a camp for young and old victims, teaching them how to continue living their lives normally.

overall, our trip was truly a break from the busy daily city life and parenthood. a perfect time for dadi and me to explore a new society, be with a diverse crowd, and discover life in a different perspective. the trip was insightful and i'm very glad cambodia was part of our 'to-visit' list :)

gift of a lifetime

before going back home to pinas last december, dadi handed me a gift. he said he hasn't found any christmas gift for me yet, so this is the best he came up with for the moment.. and i really appreciate it.

his words were, "mami, this is my gift of a lifetime.. i want us to read all of these together in our journey". so the beginning of our book saga. i will list down some that i have already read.

1. wuthering heights
2. don quixote *i'm adding this to my reread list*
3. harry potter series
4. his dark materials trilogy
5. memoirs of a geisha

hmm i'm still 45 books short. hopefully i can read 5 this year. these would include: pride and prejudice, life of pi, the bell jar, men without women, and on the road.

on another note, i want to share with you a site that i discovered called, manybooks. i'm so grateful and delighted to have bumped into this! they allow you to download ebooks free! and you can format them depending on your reader. so i'm getting mine in a pdf iphone format! how cool is that! :)

the eye

no this is not a horror flick. this is not a review. and this doesn't have anything to do with the probe team.

i'm talking literally about my eyes. yes, i have declared and finally admitted that it's time to put attention to it. previously, it wasn't a concern that my eyelashes were too short, and mascaras don't suffice. and i was just happy and contented with those glittery liners that doesn't require too much art and time to apply. i surrendered to the idea that there's a possible solution. even makeup artist back home doesn't really satisfy my requirements. and my eyebrows doesn't really bother me before, but now i feel that i should learn to grow them in the right direction.

recently, i took interest on other people's eyelids and i began to notice and got conscious with mine. maybe i could do something about it. initially, i inquired about eyeliners, then some friends offered their brands and fave eye items. bobbie brown gel liners, faceshop and mac. they said youtube is helpful too.

and so i will venture, and experiment on how i can produce stunning chinky eyes. it's gonna be a challenge physically, emotionally and financially. oh gawd i don't know if i should really invest on these products. i know that i have to try on some before i really find the perfect one for me. if things doesn't work with the lashes, maybe i should get extensions? haha

this is one of my projects this year. i hope i could scratch it off my list by the end of the year.

project w

its like dejavu. i had once this feeling of excitement.. the pump of adrenalin.. the euphoria of realizing a dream.

but its not really for me though, but i'm glad she's one of the closest people in my heart. my li'l sis had said 'yes'! and we're so excited! well i'm more excited so to speak.

ooohh my planner will be very colorful this year.. and again, thank god for the starbucks planner!

and oh, btw, i got my digital weighing scale na. thanks trace for the advice. one item off my list. :)

my twenty-10

I don’t have the habit of summarizing the year that was, of thoughts and events that happened. But now, I realized it’s a proper way of reflecting on what transpired, and how it could be improved and to inspire oneself to achieve more. When I became thirty-ish, I suddenly felt the need to ‘document’ things to do, and put constraints to myself in order to attain my goals.

I’m very blessed last year to have been surrounded by people who helped me grow and who offered sincere friendships, while some were rekindled. It made me go back to the real me, only to be improved and purified.

I suddenly learned to appreciate the likes of Debussy, Beethoven, Bach, Chopin, Mozart and of course Glee. I’m now reading Persuasion, and hopes to read Pride and Prejudice soon. The turning point was Wuthering Heights. It was challenging at first, but the exquisite meanings and formalities of conversations made me hang on. I finally finished reading Sophie’s World. I got it last 2004, started but never able to catch up. I told myself that this time, I won’t pressure myself into understanding everything, but to only pick up what was essential. And oh, the highlight was meeting Mitch Albom! His book, Have a Little Faith, is gonna be my yearly read.

The art of letting go is still an ongoing process for me, and the never ending questioning of Why’s is still under construction. But friends’ reminders are always handy. Acceptance is gradually penetrating little by little each day, although there would still be times of hurt and expectations. I’ll be working on that this year.

I have a planner, from Starbucks. This is gonna be my first. I got a beautiful one to inspire me to go back to my year list; so far, I have 14. By this time, next year, I hope I would be proud to have completed them all.

quick ones

reposting from my fb status, dated today:
me: whats d name of ur new teacher?
nixon: i dunno
me: do you have chinese remedial tomorrow?
nixon: i dunno
me: e what do u know???
nixon: i know nothing about it.
*kablag!!!*

this one i haven't posted yet, but is a series of 'santa claus' and 'snow' querries:
noah: mami, i want santa claus to come here on christmas
me: *looks at dadi* ok noah, i will tell him
noah: but how can u tell him, he lives in the north pole? he's very far away
me: ok, i will text him or call him
noah: can u call him now? i want to tell him i want bumblebee
me: *looks again at dadi*

i think He took the hint.

noah: i want to make a snowman
me: ahh.. we don't have snow in singapore
nixon: then why don't we go to a place where there's lots of snow?
me: hmmm.. ok i'll let your dadi know

i hope He would take the hint. seriously.

gratitude

i'm writing this entry down to remember recent moments that has made my heart overwhelmed with joy as my boys expressed their gratitude towards me. i'm so touched by their simple way of making me feel so loved and blessed to have them.

nixon's school exams went through for the past 2weeks. i helped him review, and there was this one english composition that he has to make out of 4 picture boxes. i sat by his side and guided him on how to understand the scenes and make a story out of each. after we finished, he told me, "mommy, i think i'm gonna get very good marks for this. thank you so much for helping me do this.". i feel so proud of him, he recognizes and appreciates me even in that simple words.

today, as tita juvs was off, i was inspired to make tuna pasta with white sauce. we had some giniling for lunch but noah chose to wait for my pasta. once done, we put some on his plate and he inhaled the scent of the food then exclaimed, "mmm yummy! it smells so good!". he took his first bite, and with mouth full, he said, "mommy, thank you so much for cooking a very delicious food for us! its so yummy, i like it... no, i LOVE it!". aawww, my heart was filled with love and joy! :)

of course, di naman magpapatalo ang daddy... i Like the food, i Love the cook! :D mwehehe!

i think i will proceed to get that oven... my boys wanted a cooking/baking session with me. noah & nixon already planned on a 3-tier cake. good luck to us!

jazz it up! *wink*

i'm not a big fan of goodbye's.. well, who is anyway. maybe i'm in denial, that's what you may think. but maybe i'm just a believer.. that it's not the end. that i'll come back soon or we'll meet again someday soon.

when dadi left for work here in sg, i never shed a tear. when my time came to follow and left behind nixon, i braved the airport, hugged him tight and kissed him sweetly. i had in my thoughts that i'll get him soon. when i left for the states, dadi and i didn't make a big fuss in the airport. no crying, no hugging tight on the last hour before boarding. not even a word goodbye or sweet nothings or cheesiness-es.

today, when one of the best-est person in my life left to give birth back home in ph, i acted naturally as if she has never gone. i went to work the way i used to every day of the week.. i tended to the household and the kids. yes we met midweek, only to walk with her going to tapa king and i left for the gym. how weird is that? instead of staying with her for all evening, i decided to do as planned. yesterday, friday, i didn't even think about going to her place and spending more time. i texted her, and wrote my fb status tagging her. last night, i read her message for me in fb, and my tears just rolled down unexpectedly and dadi noticed it. then we laughed and i continued to cry. now i know why roylann loves her so much.

i also know now how true of a friend she is to me. i know we'll be friends forever. i didn't think it was a big deal she went back home.. i'm confident we'll meet again and nothing will change. the few months we spent knowing each other was awesome. she believed in me, and i believe in her. she never ceases to endure my craziness, and i'm very thankful. :)

til then, my precious friend.

p.s. i think i like precious more than taba :P hahaha!

teeny bits

i've been thinking some 'things to do before forty'.. i came up with some which i hope would happen.

- learn to swim and skate (ice or rollers) *oo na, sounds loserish but i should learn!*
- have a baby girl *if god permits.. i'm envious of those being able to dress up their princesses*
- have my own cooking over (the real thing) and bake a cake
- lose 10kg *don't mock me for needing to invest 9yrs to achieve it*
- get myself an LV or gucci *like i said in point4, don't mock me.. haha!*
- read one of shakespear's novels *any suggestions?*

rekindling family

my manila vacation was not planned. i'm not sure if i should really thank the recent ondoy for giving us an excuse to go back home. but anyway, all i can say is, its awesome. i never felt like i was the child again, the daughter again, the sister again, the friend again.

i thought it would be a very busy vacation... scavenger hunting for stuffs to go in to our new home. but fortunately, things were pretty much settled on the 2nd day. we bought sala set & dining set, cooking ware and some groceries. giving is really a very rewarding experience especially to your family. i was happy to see my mom glowing while looking at her new orange & black sala set. and i gave in to my father's request, a tv/radio rack that he really liked which was perfect for our mini sala. i was touched seeing them put things together and excited to make the house cozy and warm. my bro and sisses were so thrilled for the stuffs we got them. yeah, it's really been a long time since i've been with my parents and siblings.

bonding with long time friends was the best. i've never been so happy being with real people and friends who truly care and were genuinely happy to see and hear from you. who, after all these years, remained in touch. jeng & peachie, made me feel young again, like back when we were in highschool and giggle a lot. seeing peter, bien & allan was also invigorating. i've missed these people.

after being in sg for 5years, i suddenly missed being around my family everyday. i know sometimes its unbearable, but its also assuring to be with the real people who love and care about you. its being around people who you can really talk to, that's what i truly missed. i don't know, maybe i just got tired being the adult, that i missed being the child.

i'm very thankful i got this break. and i was definitely happy seeing the smiles on my kids' faces when they saw me back home. =)

fail forward

i would like to re-post this email sent to me... its a constant reminder that i shouldn't hate myself for making bad decisions and being with d wrongs. thanks ice! :)

_________________________________

When You Fail, Fail Forward (by John Maxwell)

Then he began to curse and swear, saying, "I do not know the Man!" Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So he went out and wept bitterly. Matthew 26:74-75

Everybody fails, errs, and makes mistakes. You've heard the saying "To err is human, to forgive, divine." Alexander Pope wrote that over 250 years ago. And he was only paraphrasing an ancient saying that was common during the time of the Romans. Recently I came across something called "Rules for Being Human." I think several of these describe well the state we're in:

Rule #1: You will learn lessons.
Rule #2: There are no mistakes - only lessons.
Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned.
Rule #4: If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder.
Rule #5: You'll know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.

You see, writer Norman Cousins was right when he said, "The essence of man is imperfection." Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success. If we learn to embrace that new definition of failure, then we are free to start moving ahead - and failing forward.

ber months are back!

...and oh, i just remembered... today, the countdown officially starts! yiippee!!! 115days til christmas!!! love love love the holiday season.

♫ its beginning to look a lot like christmas.. everywhere you go *except sg LOL* ♫

getting the hang of it

there would be times when i miss most things... of how fun it used to be and how everyone is so connected. but nowadays, due to work schedule and family bonding related matters, we're getting used to the idea of being with the boys most of the times.

right now, there are so many things happening around our family that keeps us busy. nixon is making so much progress in school, although we still keep watch on his english going towards singlish. he's making new friends and is now having crushes *blush blush si kuya*. noah on the other hand is so tabachingching hahaha! the thought of going home to hug him is enough to send me flying out of the office haha! when i do get home, i'm rewarded with hugs and kisses and a very heartwarming, "mommy i miss you so much"-greeting. dadi also makes effort these days to come home early and go out with the kids every weekends.

i found my sanctuary... i'm so blessed to have them in my life.

to him

its raining so hard outside... blessings are pouring on your special day. we pray to god that you may have more love to give and more life to share. may you have the strength and courage to be the best that you can be. may all your dreams come true.

happy birthday daddy nino!!! from all of us, who loves you so dearly.

a reminder

i received a message from facebook, from 'God wants you to know' application. the message goes...

On this day of your life, Aslee, we believe God wants you to know...
... that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.


the part, 'Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect.' struck me the most. i guess that after feeling so exhausted and unhappy with my current work, i succomb to worldly things like pretty jewelries, fancy food, etc. and this reminder made me stop and realize that i should focus on the positives and blessings coming in right now. maybe i'm beginning to lose faith on that belief that everything will get better in time.

i should learn to manage my time and energy so i can reserve some for bonding moments with my kids. and i don't really need to tire myself of endless issues that have no significance in our lives right now. so, now i'm blogging again hehe! :D

little big ones

on a regular saturday lunch together at home, here's one funny conversation we had with the kids.

dadi : so nixon, what do you want to be when you grow up?

nixon : i want to be a... starts with the letter 'A' *here we go again with the famous guessing game*

dadi : astronaut?

mami : aeronaut?

nixon : followed by letter 'R'

dadi : argonaut?

nixon : no! an Artist!

*dadi and i exchanged glances with a smirk(?) on the face*

dadi : why do you want to be an artist?

nixon : so i can have my own collection to sell for the kids.

i think what he meant to say is, he's going to have a fundraiser for the kids by selling his collections. he got it from watching higglytown heroes, and the guilty character is yubi.

dadi : how about you noah, what do you want to be when you grow up?

noah : i want to be a daddy! *ayun, i think i'm gonna faint!*

dadi : *grins* why?

noah : because i want to be like you daddy!

OMG!!! na-speakless ako! Alert alert!!!

shapes

the thought has never occurred to me... that this moment, this instance will happen in my life. an instance when i have to make a decision to stop the line. i'm not ready, i'm not sure what will happen, i don't know if i'll ever be brave enough to mean it, to make it happen. but i have to...

it came to a point that drawing the line to fulfill the circle will have to come to an end. when it has arrived at a corner where continuing the line is painful already and creates agony, the only thing to do is cut it.

maybe its time to draw another line, in a separate sheet... in a pleasant stationary, where new circles can be drawn again. new and colorful ones that will erase entirely the hurt and regrets.

hugging the rock

*this book was given to me by dadi rak... he was very fond of it. he was all smiles when he handed it over to me. these are the lines from the 1st page...*

No Room
When my mom decides to run away from home
she packs up her car
with all the things that matter most
to her.

Her guitar
and some books
all her CDs
her clothes
her shoes
Grandma's music box from the fireplace mantle
and the quilt from the bed she shares with Dad.

She jams plastic grocery bags
filled with soap and shampoo
between the small spaces
left in between things
and tied a couple of suitcases to the roof.
At the last minute she
throws in a few dishes
some towels
and a potted red geranium
that guards the front porch.

Dad tells her not to pack stuffs too high
so she can still see out the back window
but she ignores him
and shoves her pillow
between her guitar case and portable TV.

By the time she's done
there's no room left for anything else.
No room left for Dad.

And no room left for me.

kid's humor

last saturday, we were on our way to mareng hani's baby shower. then we saw nixon and noah's friends in the playground.

noah: mami, who's that? *pointing to a thin girl w/ protruding teeth and ponytails*
me: your friend! *pardon me, i don't know their names*
noah: no mami! its chicken little!

then i looked back at the little girl... it made me think, then i suddenly realize why.

he was referring to abby mallard.. nyahahah! my son is a bully at 3, tsk tsk! *alert alert!*

noah is growing too fast physically, right now he's weighing 23kg! he won't fit into the regular XL, XXL diapers (12-18kg)... so we were left with no option, we got the XXXL (18-25kg). imagine, 14pieces costing 21SGD! omgulay! hay we were thinking of getting him adult diapers instead, what do u think? :D

on another note, i'm admiring nixon's development lately. i know we haven't been around much lately becoz dadi and i are swamped with work. but nixon was able to handle his holiday homeworks on his own. he's now into reading books like oliver twist, gulliver's travel and peter pan. i hired him a tutor for his mandarin, so he can have someone to converse with in a regular basis. he's enjoying it, and he can understand his tutor even when she's communicating with him in pure mandarin. he also refers to the chinese-english dictionary on his own. one night i sat with him to teach him how to search for the words that he's looking for, and he was very interested. the following day, i saw him doing his assignment using it.

toughing the toughs

there will really be times that you will encounter a boss/superior that would persistently annoy you or compete with you. its just sad that while you want to give him/her as much respect as you want, it just wouldn't suffice because he/she makes you feel incompetent and a moron. sometimes you want to give him/her the benefit of the doubt, but more often, he competes with you and goes on power trips. sometimes he/she just wouldn't take responsibility and throws you in with the sharks. i just don't understand why bosses wouldn't talk to other bosses (yours versus your user or client).

sigh... anyway, need to go back to work.