bbrrrr

it's end of october and snow should start in supposedly 2weeks... not!
i'm forcing myself to walk my way to the bathroom, turn on the showers and bathe, but my cold feet are creeping its way back to the covers.

bbrrrrr... the cold weather is coming.. and i'm missing my warm human blanket :(

haberday!

happy birthday to my ever dearest gwaping baby boy, nixon :) mami loves you so much! i hope you'll grow up to be a much stronger and braver person. dadi, mami and noah will always be here for you. we love you! mwah!

bright leaves.. windy wind

as i am looking outside the window inside my room, i saw that the leaves are falling from the trees and they look pretty. it's so colorful. and the wind outside is humming its way to fall season. i think the weather helps to dampen your emotions or lift them up in such a way that it clouds your judgement and perspective. i'm trying my best to stay focus and be in the game. it should happen, if not sooner, then later. i just have to breathe and think about the nice colors of the leaves, the brighter side of the humming wind and cool breeze. this is just a phase, to renew, discover and learn. maybe it won't turn out the way i expected, but at least i enjoyed the ride and realized something new. i need to prioritize myself sometimes, and be kinder to my own self. i deserve a chance to be happy and discover who i really am.

colder than LA

i'm in hayward, california for the past 5days and tomorrow i'll be flying off to new jersey to face the reality of my purpose why i'm here.

anyway, the 1hour flight sucks as it was so bumpy and all windy so we were all buckled up the entire journey. of course you know me, the girl with the ever-ready med kit who never runs out of white flower and candies during travel. yes, i really hated it coz i felt so dizzy and i was thinking, i should've taken the 6hour train ride. so i got off safely, thank god and christen and hubby ryan and baby kyle were there to take me home to their nice place. grabe, the wind was blowing cold in my face and body.

the following day, we went to fisherman's wharf to stroll around. there was heavy traffic coz of the airshow so parking was a disaster, imagine 2hours to find a space! finally we got late lunch from tarantino's restaurant and had the famous clam chowder soup and pasta. then we went around pier39. the place was packed with lots of people. and btw, my camera broke huhuhu *big time sob*. it fell when we were inside the wax museum. we weren't able to go view the alcatraz but we just took some pics.

the following day, our college buds, bien and lesther, picked us up to go wine tasting in napa valley. it was kinda far but when you get there, it feels like a sossy suburban area hehe! lots of tourist trying out wines from every vineyard. we went to two, one is very famous for their wines and the other one was where they shoot some scenes in walk in the clouds movie of keanu reeves. of course, the wine tasting session was the most fun of it. i think i got tipsy after trying 6 kinds of red/white wine.

my experience here was awesome! a break on the buzz and hustle of the city of LA. i'm so thankful with my friends who made my 1st month here in the US very awesome! pictures to follow =)

it's never ending.. it's pointless coz it's going in circles.. i'm tired, frustrated and stressed.. and it never has a conclusion. so why bother.. just let it go.

i remember

i need you back... i need you here to guide me... please come back, you're the only one who's ever loved me... i need you back... let's start all over again. share the love you had for me then..

i wish he could just be supportive and loving right now.. as in, now. *sigh* wherever you are, i hope you're happy always.


thor

ang nakaraan..

eto, delayed ulit posts ko. since i have few more days left here in LA, might as well write an update. sa totoo lang naiinis ako ngayon dito sa multiply account ko. may mga pics kasi na high resolution that i uploaded previously and you can view them individually so mas clear sya kasi malaki. but right now, di mo na sya makita. baket? kasi nagpapabayad na multiply!!! kainis!!! ggrrrrr!! natuwa pa naman ako dati sa kanya dahil masaya mag-upload ng pics for your friends and relatives to see. tapos ngayon $19.95 ang upgrade para lang maka post ka ng high res pics?!?! wadaf**K! can somebody just give me an alternative?

anyway, last weekend i was busy *buti na lang kasi may mga taong nagpapasira ng araw ko lately*. we attended hya's nephew's birthday tapos i met with my high school friends for dinner and get together. and then sinundo ako ng common sg friend namin ni faye na si anie and stayed overnight in their house. promise ang ganda ng house nila! post ko next time in another site kasi imbiyerna dito sa multiply.

tapos nung monday, namasyal kami sa universal studios. buti na lang mabait un pinsan ni hya at sinama kaming ipasyal dun together w/ his wife and kid. thanks again kuya danny and hya! again, pics to follow. tinatamad kasi ako mag-edit ng pics para lang magkasya sya sa acceptable size dito.

Closing Cycles

*i found this in my stockroom hehe.. it's a very nice read.*

Closing Cycles
By Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, ! your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

*amen to that*

i guess i would not be receiving that email after all... *what was i thinking*

trying..

i'm still trying... trying my best to be less sad. trying my best not to be scared to express my emotions because i feel that every time i do, things get screwed up. trying my best to listen, to understand, to have patience, to endure. maybe next time, i'll try not to speak.

breathe.... just breathe...

other side of the world

Where should I start? I can’t even seem to find my words right now with all the pain and misery that I’m feeling. I’m miles away from my love ones, and I can’t do anything but pray and have faith that everything will get better soon. But why does it feel that I’m so alone in my hopes and dreams? Why do they continue to send me to oblivious pain? I have tried my best to express my sadness and hurt diplomatically… but they still keep on insisting their logical reasons which I find very insulting. I thought I left a strong boulder to keep our family intact… but pieces are crumbling away and I can’t find a super glue to keep it together because the rain of tears won’t stop flowing… and along with it comes my hopes and dreams drifting away off the shore. I should pick up my pace and accept the loss. I pray that things will get better eventually… I need to believe that there is still light at the end of the tunnel.

Artist: KT Tunstall
Song: Other Side Of The World

Lyrics:

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like
the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
Ohh.... the other side of the world
You're.... the other side of the world
To me.

*sigh* <-- youtube vid

ladidu

i'm so sorry, i'm procrastinating. ang hirap promise! sobrang busy with packing, meeting with friends, doing last minute errands and sis grace and her friend touched down in sg yesterday. in between all those, i try to spend quality time with my boys and gather our pictures. i promise to give you the juices when i settled down on the other side of the world. *huhuhuhu* when i'm able to update my blog, it means i landed to my destination and currently miles away from my dearest family and friends.

*21hours to go, and i'm crying a bucket full =( *

hbd eram!

since friday is our usual night out and eram's birthday is on a sunday *which she would most likely spend with her family*, we decided to give her a pre birthday celebration in clarke quay. we ate at cuba libre, kind of a mixture of mexican, spanish, cuban food i guess hehe! nachos and quesadillas are perfect to d taste buds. eram and i tried d shiraz wine while ami and dadi rak took the mojitos. ulrik, *pa-girly effect ata* drank the pink guava vodka ata un! haha! then ashoeshwal we had coffee at the coffee bean, surprising the birthday lady *who btw turned 23 for d 7th time? hahaha* with a mudpie cake.

happy birthday dear blessie! =) pictures --> here!

dadi's off d calendar

last aug21, dadi and i decided to spend time by ourselves and have dinner in a nice place in clarke quay. it's been a tradition every year that we have dinner somewhere on the night of dadi's birthday. this year we held it in a spanish restaurant named tapas tree. my friends have tried it a year ago and recommended the beef stew and paella. so i made reservations and we arrived just in time. the paella takes some time to cook to i had it done 30minutes before we arrived. we ordered picadillo and gambas together with the paella. some cocktail drink and beer to go along with the sumptuous feast. i forgot what our dessert was called but it was kinda like bread pretzels dipped in nice belgian chocolate.

we enjoyed the night and i was happy to see that dadi was so pleased. happy 32nd birthday dadi rak =)

that ring

this morning, i listened to my fave radio station, power98 with dj harry as host. *he's pinoy btw* he has this trivia contest where he gives out prizes if you guess the answer correctly. his question today was: most women worry about the size of this but according to survey, 80% of men worry more about the size of this. what is this? i know most of you are smiling on the thought of this thing... but no, it's not a part of the body. there was a girl who answered a wedding ring, then dj harry said almost close. next caller was another girl, he repeated the previous answers and the clue...

dj harry : what is this? there was a previous answer, wedding ring which is almost close to the to the right answer...

girl : ok... wait, is it an earing???

dj harry : nope i'm sorry but thats not correct. thanks for calling.

i immediately texted him *he's a good friend of mine btw*...

me : bwahahhaha! grabe, natawa ko sa earing syaks! *bwahahaha! that earing really made me laugh!*

dj harry : hahaha ako nga nalaglag sa upuan haha *hahaha i fell off the chair haha*

that was classic! started my day right! hahahaha!

any time now...

even if i try so hard not to think about it or how much i hide from it, the reality is... it's going to be any time now. i should succumb to the truth that it's just 11days 'til i empty my desk in the office... 13days 'til i go back home to be with my parents and siblings for just 4days... and only 30days before i bid adieu to sg and have a good crying 'til i get on board on that plane.

i must start talking to my boys and spend quality time with them. any time now...

jeng's 888

to one of my ever dearest best friend for more than a decade, jennifer... happy happy birthday! hope that your birthday, falling on exactly this 08-08-08, will be blessed with so much love and prosperity within this lifetime and the next. love u friend! i miss u so much!

timely coincidence

i just remembered.. i was suppose to blog about this incident last month. remember our nice driver/tourist guide from bohol? mang jun? well, we suddenly remembered to send in some 'tip' for his generosity during our trip to bohol. we weren't able to hand him some token of gratitude because we were expecting that he'll be the same driver who'll take us to the ferry terminal to cebu. unfortunately, he had another appointment so we were taken by another guy. so we decided to deposit some amount in his bank account during our remittance trip to LP.

i asked for his bank details, and told me how thankful he is. his exact words were, 'ma'am, siguro po hulog kayo ng langit sa akin. kasi po nasa ospital po ako ngayon, bukas ako discharge. buti na lang po may dumating na tulong pinansyal galing sa inyo. god bless po at maraming salamat!' *ma'am, maybe you were sent by good fate. i'm currently confined in the hospital and will be discharged tomorrow. good thing you're financial aid was in time. god bless and thank you!*.

it really sent chills to my body and i was so touched by this incident. truly, another one of god's mysterious ways.

a101-ers

ava, mae and me

mae, carlos, ava and me

it's been a while since we got to spend time together. the last time i've been with ava was 5years ago... when christen left for the states and i went to sg. we had karaoke and beer at kbox in greenbelt. while mae has been here in sg for more than a year already, we haven't gotten the time to chit-chat and catch up. same goes with carlos who has been here since last dec07 and gerome, who got here a few months after i did.

ava made it a point to have a one day stopover here in sg going to penang just to be with us. isn't that sweet! even if we haven't been communicating for years, she still contacted us and i was honored to have her stay in our house even for just overnight.

ava and i go way back in our 1st day registration in college. we got into mapua and was scheduled to register to acknowledge our slots as comp eng freshmen. she was the only person in the room who i thought was nice and pretty so i sat beside her and we kinda got along. we ended up as classmates for class a101 coe freshman year. mae, carlos and gerome were also part of the class. sadly, by 3rd year majoring, ava shifted to ie and mae to ece. but we still see each other, but not that often.

so when ava announced that she'll be coming by, i was so happy! and more so, she was getting married this october! bad news is, i won't be able to make it... good news is, we were still able to spend time here in sg, so i kinda made up for it. another good news was that carlos' wife and baby will be staying with him come september, while mae and chris will be having their church wedding come jan08. i'm so glad we were able to spend time together. gerome couldn't make it but then of course he tried.

strolling down memory lane

this was one of my faves during my college years. i guess it's the message and the beat of the song.

People say that together we were both sides of the same coin
That we would shine like Venus in a clear night sky
We thought our love could overcome the circumstances
But my ambition wouldn't allow for compromise

I could see in the distance all the dreams that were clear to me
Every choice that I had to make left you on your own
Somehow the road we started down had split asunder
Too late to realise how far apart we'd grown.
How I wish I, wish I'd done a little bit more

Now " Shoulda woulda coulda," means I'm out of time
Coz "Shoulda woulda coulda", can't change your mind
And I wonder, wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do
"Shoulda woulda coulda" are the last words of a fool

People ask how it feels to live the kind of life others dream about
I tell them everybody gotta face their highs and their lows
And in my life there's a love I put aside, cause I was busy loving something else
So for every little thing you hold on to, you've got to let something else go

[Chorus]

Fool if I would now forsake the opportunities are fate
I know I'm right where I belong
But sometimes when I'm not so strong I..